[ PLEASE READ THE TWWW !!! ] also spoilers for penacony quest lol Life’s been feeling a bit wack rn :pensive: Uhh there have been good things, but also there have been bad. I’ve recently [ by that, I mean like, two/three months ago ] gotten two closer friends at school. They’re a grade above me [ sophomores ] and by the grace of god, they actually actively talk to me and make me feel like I’m actually friends with them. Maybe even having the chance to be a first/second choice to somebody :D [unlike SOME of my friends, who only talk to me when they are left with no other people than me.. ] so yayyy, I now have four [ ish ] friends!! I do have some others, but they were introduced to me by other friends and I don’t rlly know them much. We’ve probably exchanged like, a couple sentences or so lol. OH OH OH I DID THE NEW HSR QUEST, PENACONY IT WAS SO TIURWHTIUESHIUTH I love penacony smm, the lore went hard frfrrr. Almost cried at the Mikael/Misha part and then that zesty creature named CAELUS showed up :rage: OK BUT HARMONY CAELUS OMG IM OGING WCTUWLLY FERAL HES LITERWLLY MY POOKIE AND HES SO ZESTY WND PRETTY WNR PERFECT WND I WOULRNT CHANGE HIM FOR THE WORLR WNR IM BUILDING W TEWM JUET BEFAUEE OF HIM WND I LOVE HKM SO MUCH GGRGRGHHGHGHHGRRRR [ Can you tell Caelus is my favourite character lol ] Oh btw, I got to go to my new friend’s birthday party over the weekend, and it was rlly fun, and I’m pretty sure that’s the first time I’ve ever hung out outside with a friend outside in like, what, two years :skull: last time I did was like earllyyyy eighth grade, so that was actually around late 2022 so ya, 1-2 years :p I also got a funky lil Pou plush. He was supposed to be a gift for the friend mentioned above, but right after ordering, I realized that they already had the plush, so I just got that lil guy for free [ not actually :skull: ] I got them that dumb fat seal plush think iykwim lol Anyways uhh that’s some fun stuff, but like, time to hit the trenches boys, girls, and uhh creatures /lh Soooo prepare for some triggering thingies showing up. Nothing too bad I think, but just keep your mental health in mind. [I lied, big tw for sh, skin picking, mentions of blood, trauma, and ya.. ] Uhhh so I mayy or may not have relapsed like, a week or so ago. I was doing so well, and I hadn’t really done anything like that since 7th grade, but aghh. It started with me finding a pencil sharpener in my art class and stealing it cuz I didn’t have one at home. A bit after, we used exacto knives in art class and I accidentally sliced my finger and went “yeowch” and went along with my day. Then, we had a dissection unit in biology where we dissected a flower and used a scalpel and I was like “damn how I wish I could feel how smoothly this could glide and cut my skin. “ and uhh ya. Then I tried to pry open the pencil sharpener I got a while back but couldn’t cuz I didn’t have a screwdriver [ Thankfully ] thoughhhhh, a little later, I got my hands on a box cutter at home and.. you get the point. Uhhh yeowch ig [ugh scratch crashed so I gotta rewrite everything I just did from here on out :sob: ] also we kinda got to use exacto knives again in art class and I had to resist the urges grr Also I think this is like, leading me to picking at my fingers even more. If you don’t know, I’ve always been picking at the sides of my fingers/around my fingernails for a while, but it’s never really gotten as bad as it is now. Normally it’s just like, a lil hangnail or something that I pull out, but now it’s like, literally skin. Like, I picked a ton of skin off my right thumb and it’s like, constantly bleeding now :skull: I do this subconsciously, and I never rlly pay attention to what I’m doing until my hands are like, covered in blood :sob: Also behind my right ear, there’s like something weird cuz it’s like, weirdly crusty & idk why, it’s been like that for a while :skull: but sometimes I pick at it and uhh, I picked at it a lot and it started to bleed so whoopsies. There’s also a scab in my inner outer ear thingy and I kinda picked at it too and it started bleeding as well :sob: I’m also just kinda like, downplaying my emotions and stuff because I keep comparing myself to another one of my friend who has lots of trauma and stuff like that, and my brain goes “oh you shouldn’t be sad this person has it so much worse off than you” and it just sucks :p I’ve also kinda recently learned that I’ve been like, lying to myself for years that I’m okay, and my brain starts to believe it and just bottle everything up. I’ve never popped though, which is honestly really bad because I’m scared of what may happen if I do. Anywayssss, uhh enough about my emotions and stuffs like that, uh school. I’m a big procrastinator, and my dumb lil self has put off a writing thing that’s due tomorrow and I’m barely even close to reaching the page minimum :sob:
.:CREDITS:. - All art by @PolterGH0ZT - Character is Fayez, owned by @PolterGH0ZT - Song is Mr. KMS by Sewerslxt [ Replace the X with a v ] Don’t mind my rambling above, and also maybe don’t mention how I reached the limit of talking :sob: I feel like my art is Puppychan-ifying cuz why is it getting worse gghhghrhfgrrr I LIED I LET THIS DRSWING MARINATE IN MY LITTLE PEA BRAIN FOR A BIT SND IT ACTUALLY KINDA SLAPS THOUGH :P I was like, extremely sleep deprived on Monday [ which was when I drew and ranted ], and I even tried to go home early by going to the nurse [ which didn’t work :pensive: took a Tylenol for nothing ], so I guess that’s why everything here feels off from my normal stuff. It’s Wednesday now and I’m feeling at least a little better, but last night, I did kinda dwell on the fact that there is most likely nothing after death and how me and my memories will be forgotten some day, blah blah blah. It’s fine tho hopefully :skull: i just felt a bit like a silly billy :3c
