TW: depression, general h@tred for living, UGH this is a VENT :( ~ All my favorite songs are slow and sad (all my favorite songs are sad) ~ - welp this is kinda self-explanatory - If you want a list, I’m not making one ~ All my favorite people make me mad ~ My friend has decided to move to a different school, which would be fine… except of course, SHES MY FRIEND. I don’t want her to leave, so I was a bit upset that she seemed ridiculously happy that she can leave our ‘crappy school system’… and all of her friends. PLUS, the only time she felt remotely remorseful for the whole situation was when she realized that she had to leave Scratch. May I repeat myself: she was only sad about abandoning all of her friends when she realized that she had to leave her ONLINE FRIENDS. like, WHAT- And the only reason she even needs to leave Scratch is because her computer is broken… and she can’t purchase it because she says that she’s saving up for a katana. I mean, you’re allowed to do whatever with your money, but if I had to choose between a unusable (DUDE WHO CARRIES A DEADLY SWORD ITS THE 21ST CENTURY) sharp object that probably cost a lot more than a multi-purpose technological device that would not only help me communicate with my loving, supportive friends BUT keep my oh-so-important online community. Yeah, I’m leaning towards the latter. ~ Everything that feels so good is bad, bad, bad ~ I”M NOT ALLOWED TO DO ANYTHING- I’m not allowed to google, YouTube, or do anything other than Google Docs (PLUS there is no point to write unless I’m writing with someone else… and all of my friends (except two) don’t like writing with me or physically can’t). I LOVE scratch, don’t get me wrong, but I HATE lying to my parents EVERY SINGLE DAY. I wish I could go on Scratch. I wish I had an OUNCE of the freedom my friends get. BUT NO. I have overprotective parents who say that ‘in my best interest’ I should stop doing everything that I love and work on being a better person. Because depression apparently ‘builds character’. ~ I DON’T KNOW WHAT’S WRONG WITH ME ~ So I have looked into this and it seems like I have either ADHD or Autism (or BOTH UGHH) plus I’m 100% sure I have ‘dysthymia’ aka persistent depressive disorder… and I’ve tried to tell my parents about all of these… BUT I’m not ADHD, I just need to ‘try harder.’. I’m not autistic, I’m ‘shy’ and ‘my entire generation is socially awkward because of COVID-19’ (that was my DOCTOR right there >:| ). I’m not depressed because ‘I have nothing to be depressed about’ and ‘your life is so much better than mine’. *sigh* Sorry for venting, but I usually don’t tell my friends about my problems either, so this is a weird experience for the both of us :( UGGH Lucky me. ~ Linn PS. The song in All My Favorite Songs, by Weezer and AJR
