I return to scratch after several months of hiatus. I see that I have only 76 messages. For new scratchers that’s a lot, but I’ve been here for two years. That’s hardly anything after months of hiatus. But the worst part is… Most of it is studio activity… I HATE studio activity notifications. All they mean is that someone added a project or commented on something in a studio. I’m in a lot of studios. Most of them allow anyone to join. I like all of those studios. But I want to leave them all. I want to stop these irritating notifications. Only a few love or favorite notifications. Hardly anyone followed. It makes sense though. I was on a hiatus. But the fact most of the messages were from studio activity, It rubs it in even harder. To be honest I’m pretty much internally crying. I’m gonna leave ALL the studios I’m in. Well, at least the unimportant ones. But I wish studio activity was optional. Scratch is already boring for me. Because I’m unpopular. Thats why I was on a hiatus. Because everything Elise was more enjoyable. Cookie run, spyxfamily, I went to the waterpark, I never felt more alive. I have a hip-hop rehearsal coming up. During one practice the teacher praised me. I came out of my Pokémon phase. I still love them, but at least I don’t draw them as anthro now. I’m learning how to draw humans. I’m getting better and better. I’ve finally thought of a character storyline with original characters. So much enjoyable stuff happened during my hiatus. I joined scratch because it was the closest thing to YouTube. My mom banned me from it for a few years so I don’t see any inappropriate content. When I started, it was the greatest site ever. I was inspired to make animations because I saw one made by @unlucky_toons (I’m not sure if that’s how the username is spelt, but I remember it was unlucky toons) I learned about the other projects on scratch from a friend named Ethan. He left the school after a while :( I chose this corny username because I was a young 4th grader. I didn’t figure out that it had projects by other people yet. When I got two followers, I was so happy. I thought that was a lot for a beginner. I still love those two followers though. But now I’ve seen people with far more followers than me. And they’ve been on this site for a shorter period than me. I don’t know if it’s me and my low motivation. I don’t know if it’s because of the garbage way the explore page is set up. Scratch team really needs to fix it. Only generic platforms and animations from the most popular are there. I wish I could animate like those other people. I wish I wasn’t lazy anymore. I’m being lazy right now. I’m sitting in the bed. With a blanket. The complete description of a couch potato I don’t do anything useful with my life. I only lay in bed until someone drags me out. And whenever I want to smile. Something tells me: “Stop smiling, stop it.” Even though the person is telling me to smile. I only smile near my classmates. Or my mom. Or anyone close. It tells me I’m a bad person If I smile Though that voice is not literal. Fear is weird, isn’t it. But I’m getting off track. I tried putting more effort into my projects. But that left me with a thousand unfinished projects. All the garbage or unimportant projects. That’s what I posted. That must be why I’m so unpopular. But I still hate the studio notifications. They squeeze salt and lemon in my eyes. They say, “the only reason you have so many messages is because of unimportant studio notifications” I’ve never wanted an attention from strangers in real life. In truth I try to avoid talking to anyone I don’t know or remember. But I live off attention on scratch. My lack of modivation kept me unpopular. I never made any projects that were original. They were never important. They were never what people were interested in. And the studio activity notifications taunt me by making me think I had messages from people. People who liked my project. But it’s only useless junk mail. “Featured project. Featured tutorial. Work in progress. Remix this. My favorite things. Why I scratch?” I don’t know why. Not everybody finds joy on this site. I just returned, and all I feel is regret. Give me some freedom on that line, scratch. Not everyone’s projects are featured. Not everyone’s projects are planned to be great. Not everyone’s projects are meant to be remixed. Not everyone’s projects are about what they love. Not every one is on scratch because they love it. I’m back, but I regret it.
