Okay, so I’m gonna get something out of the way before I begin this little rant; uhhh, yeah, this is gonna be a long rant. The three paragraph type of long. It’s…. Admittedly been a while since I’ve made one of these responses. The main reason I’ve been procrastinating on doing it is simple; I like to keep my personal feelings to myself when I’m under this kind of pressure or stress, which should be justifiable and WARRANTED for really, anybody. This is more of an apology and an emotional rant, so, if you can’t handle that kind of thing, it’s probably for the best I advise you to leave or just heed my warnings. This is specifically addressing Squip and Luni, one of my two friends, and of the way I’ve been treating them. To give you the short end of all this, I feel guilty. VERY guilty. I wish I could be exaggerating or fibbing about what I’m saying right now, but it couldn’t be any less of the truth then than it could ever be now. I feel that I’ve been, admittedly… too demanding with having you check out the lore and constantly pestering you to get on documents when I could be leaving you to your own thing. I’ve been… afraid I’d make this mistake again, after the first time I did. I’m at least happy you’re not being driven away by my stupidity and tendency to be ignorant of how people feel. For me, apologies, no matter how many times you try to say I haven’t done anything wrong or that I’m being annoying, only really has a negative effect on me. I still feel guilty about it then and I know that NO MATTER how many times I try to improve or stop myself from being annoying and inconsiderate, I’ll always in some shape or form, revert back to my old ways. That’s what motivated me in the first place to even write this whole… essay thing. Well, not really an essay, but I’m sure you understand what I mean. Luni, I’ve been especially demanding with and I’ve been holding in the most remorse for the repeated mistakes I’ve made. Above anything else, I’m an impatient and demanding person to be around a lot of the time and if I see significant delays, I think everything is going to go wrong and I start worrying. You didn’t need this apology, nor did you want or expect it, I’m at least sure of that part, but I don’t like holding in these types of things and hiding so much. If it seems like I’m doing this to get attention or for clout, I’m not. I am truly trying to the best of my ability to be a good friend to you both and sometimes I have my doubts and I think my lore is one of the main issues here. When I see that somebody’s interested or likes it, I have the tendency to get overobsessed and want them to get involved and engaged in it. It’s a personal issue that still needs both some working out and adjusting. I might not ever be able to overcome that issue, sure, but I’m afraid I might drive you both away in doing that, even though you’ve made it clear that’s not the case. I do hope this finds you well. I have a lot of trust issues as I’ve lost many friends in the past, and online or not, my friends are important to me. Some of them have really shaped who I am as a person and they’ve shown me… a lot of respect and kindness that I could’ve never anticipated. It’s not just that for the reason why I’m not exactly fine right now. There’s also school and the stress of having to get good grades in all of my classes that’s really pushing my limits, I just want to get out of school and have my “suffering” end. I put suffering in quotation marks because I’m overexaggerating more than anything. I also have a lot of high expectations with my lore and story and I’m always afraid I’ll disappoint with it or that the quality may not be as high or as good as other chapters, that’s why I’m accepting change and implementing new story elements into the newest chapter of IoBB. I want this to feel unique and different yet at the same maintain that same charm and passion the other stories I’ve written are known for having. I know this was not needed or really necessary in the slightest, maybe for you, but for me, it is. I really do hope you find this well and understand my situation for what it is. But well… I’m just gonna end it off here.
