440 words How to be a Disney Villain Hey you! Yes, you! We all know you have wanted to be a Disney Villain during at least one point of your life. Well what if I told you that you could? Just follow these simple steps! Disclaimer: Results not guaranteed. Side effects may include losing sense of self (see Disenchanted for example), becoming a Disney Hero (if steps are ignored because you read a guide to being annoying and you didn't follow the instructions), and diarrhea. We do not have the rights to Disney. Please don't sue us. Step 1: Get a m̶i̶n̶i̶o̶n̶ sidekick(s). Animal/monster sidekicks preferred, but mortals can suffice. Your sidekick /must/ be less smart than you, because obviously you need to appear stronger than them so you are seen as a force to be reckoned with. See Hades's Pain and Panic or Scar's hyenas. Step 2: Find your... NEMESIS. *lots of gasps and screams are heard from a distance* As it is known, every Disney Villain has their Disney Hero enemy. BUT! You can't just pick a random person you found wandering around. You have to know, or get to know your nemesis. (consider step 3 before deciding) After that you can ask them to be your nemesis! Nervous or introverted? That's alright. There are great nemesis finder apps everywhere! I recommend NowayVillain, EOutoftune, and Villain Meets Hero Nemesis Finding App. Step 3: Once your nemesis is decided, you must know your goal. Do you want something from them? Or did they "steal" (villains exaggerate, obviously) something from you? Some great ideas/examples are Mother Gothel wanting the magic in Rapunzel's hair that disguises her age, or Ursula wanting to get revenge on her brother. Step 4: Always have a monologue prepared. When you're about to go do something related to your goal, prepare a speech to recite before continuing out your evil schemes. Step 5: Go to voice lessons. You need to belt out a showstopping tune every day, so you attract attention and gain more publicity. Your songs need to have unique, and when experiencing similar situations to another from before, finales are useful. Have your sidekicks go as well, for they should preform as background singers and dancers during your number. Now, as you are in a battle, it's time for step 6... Fail. Wait, what? You thought this was a guide to being a /successful/ Disney Villain? I never said that! Besides, no villain has ACTUALLY ever done that. You're supposed to fail dramatically, your nemesis taking you out as you swear vengeance upon them. Then you lose your job and someone else takes the lead. Hmph. Amateur...
