Insecurity. Comparison. The thief of joy. The robber of my happiness.
I don’t know what it’s like to smile without my lines hitting the mascara, That drains at eleven at night, I don’t know what it’s like how to smile without wanting to erase the face, That I call mine. And I’ll write a million words to describe the thing that eats me up inside, But the sad thing is that these words are mine, Something I’ll forever be, Someone I’ll never get. And I’ll lock my doors at night, And roll down the windows at day, This vampire skin, I’m afraid will fade, Of the one object that keeps me alive, Stepping into the stall 5 times a day, Hoping to be someone I’ll never be, Someone that makes me shrivel inside. Because it’s a sad, sad ending, When a child grows up wishing they looked like a princess too, When they don’t like the face crafted by two, I’ll live in a castle, for all the times I saw myself through someone else’s eyes, They made me want to cry, I wish mine would shine like that too, I wish mine could shine the way yours do, Because I’m all that I’ll never be and I want all I can’t have, And I want to be the everything that someone else breathes. Because I don’t know what it’s like, To feel the way I make other people feel, It’s like I took all the love that belongs to me, And drafted it on a spaceship, I watched it fly, fly away, And I watched myself crumble and break, Something I never want to be, As I let myself ache. And I’ll apologize and put on my dress, I’ll straighten my hair and pray that I don’t make a mess, They all look like the prom queen, As I remove the crown off my head. And I’ll burn and I’ll freeze and I’ll make a mistake, The fear of being in- perceived, I’ll scold myself and hope that no one remembers, The stuff I said that night. Because it’s a sad, sad ending, When a child grows up wishing they looked like a princess too, When they don’t like the face crafted by two, I’ll live in a castle, for all the times I see myself through someone else’s eyes, They made me want to cry, I wish mine could shine like that too, I wish mine could shine the way yours do, Because I’m all that I’ll never be and I want all I can’t have, And I want to be the everything that someone else breathes. And I’ll say this a million times, And beg and plead for my prize, I just want to change my everything, So this no longer changes me, Because if loving yourself is considered a crime, Then the air we breathe must be jail time. So I’ll live in a castle, for all the times I saw myself through someone else’s eyes, They made me hate mine, They made me want to cry, I wish mine could shine like that too, I wish mine could shine the way yours do, Because the story I see has a ripped page, Because not even the things that make me pretty make me feel good, It made me everything I’ll never be and want what I can’t have, And I want to be the everything someone else breathes.
