(don’t mind me) i used to feel like my parents didn’t really care, but that was stupid. that was a stupid delusion that i shouldn’t have thought. they love me. if they didn’t, they wouldn’t have tried so hard to take me to a hospital, when i was injured by a certain someone (mostly unintentional). why was he giggling while saying “it was an accident”? i’m just a stupid person who thinks stupid things. i don’t know if i can grow or not. i love my parents. but do i care about me? i always think of myself as a narcissistic liar nowadays. i always try to stop myself from crying after getting a simple mistake pointed out and i hate it. i’m getting better now, but what if i turn worse again? yesterday, i drew loona from hva boss. i’ve been thinking about it for a month and procrastinated so long, but i finally did it. i was really proud of it. i showed it to my brother and he was like “it’s so inappropriate eww” and he actually threatened to tell my parents. like, it’s only a HALFBODY of her. nothing inappropriate. nobody is an inappropriate person unless their whole self revolves around doing inappropriate stuff. i almost cried and he was laughing uncontrollably as i tried to stop him (and myself from crying). i’ve did mistakes before, but i don’t think drawing a halfbody of a character from a series i don’t watch anymore is inappropriate. he’s been more annoying ever since he sat on my leg (and dislocated my kneecap). is he even guilty for what he did? well, i don’t think so. but i forgive and forget, mostly. so i’m fine. do i even see myself as human anymore? i mean, whenever i think of myself, i don’t even remember myself in the mirror much. i just see maelyn, my truesona. i know i’m human, but i don’t feel human. i relate more to cats than humans. am i alright? or is it just me? i guess i’m done venting. i don’t think i’m feeling good.
