Shattered Heart (Poem)

Instructions

(WARNING- This may be a sensitive topic for some. Please no judgment on this. It's pretty personal.) Sometimes I wish I was you. Careless Cold Realist Driven by academic and monetary success. Other times, I'm so grateful not to be like you. That I'm me. Sensitive. Warm. Dreamer Motivated by the unknown. But really, I think what I really wish Was that you were with me, that you supported me, that you believed in me and my potential. I counted on you both, for encouragement, for support. I thought everyone was supposed to get it. I thought that as I got older, Maybe you'd get me more. You'd tell me to soar, tell me to chase my dreams. And when I began to try my wings, see where I could go, I felt the weight of chains. I thought, "It's just the first time." But it didn't go away no matter how hard I tried. I thought you'd help. I went to you willingly, carefree, naive. But oh, how shocked I was. How astounded I was, how devastated I was, to see just who was holding the chains. I wanted to believe you didn't know what you were doing. I still want to believe you don't do it knowingly. But even so, you were still the ones. And that was the first time my heart broke. --------- I begged, I pleaded, I reasoned. You cut me off from everyone. Thinking that I would "come down to Earth." But I didn't want to come down. I wanted to soar. So I begged. I pleaded. I reasoned. You tried to cut my wings, thinking maybe you could shape them. But when my wings are fueled by my dreams, they can't really be shaped. So I begged. I pleaded. I reasoned. And I found slightly open ears. You loosened the chains, one of you. Perhaps out of pity, perhaps out of fear of what catatonic me would do. But oh how grateful i was. I was so, so grateful. I naively thought, that you would finally get it. But then, when you had the chance to break both chains, Then I learned your limits. What you wouldn't do. And the one thing you refused to do, was the one thing that could have fixed it all. Maybe even without the pain we suffer right now. But you didn't. And that was the second time my heart broke. --------- But still I begged. I pleaded. I reasoned. But nothing. None of you saw, when I cried so hard I choked. When I fell into a deep pit of depression I couldn't climb out of. When I stopped being truly happy. And then one night you shattered my hopes. Did you care? Or was it just normal to you? That night, three nights ago, reality hit. I grew up so much that night. I realized that no one was going to help me. You didn't say it. All you wanted to do, was finally get me on your oh-so-straight and perfect path. To finally shut up. And that was the third time my heart shattered. ---------- Congrats. I'm finally shutting up. I'm in this alone. I get it now. It only gets worse from here. More yelling More screaming. More silence. More crying. More falling. More choking. Cause just because I grew up, doesn't mean there's a tiny foolish fragment of my heart, that still wants to have hope in you, even if I have none left to give. But I refuse to give up. because the cycle ends here. So here's to the kids, who feel let down by the two who should have been there for them most. but who still have hope, and don't want to hurt anyone the way they were hurt here's to the kids, with shattered hearts, who are still trying to pick them back up, put them back together, so that maybe they'll have a heart, to give to someone someday. Here's to the kids, faced with the Herculean feat to lift themselves up, and succeed alone. To find air in a vacuum, to keep their dreams floating. To heal their own wings, to disentangle them from both, the two big chains, and the network of self-tied chains. You won't be alone forever. You are special. You are like the brightest stars, the prettiest flowers, the biggest diamonds. I hope we meet physically someday. but if we don't, I promise, our hearts are connected.