I'm getting so tired of it. And scared. And lonely. EVERY HECKIN NIGHT- I get so scared that I'm going to throw up. It's childish. I know. My whole family laughs at me because of my ridiculous questions. "What if I throw up tonight?" Of course, the answer is always going to be, "You aren't." But that doesn't help at all. I don't even know why I ask- I already know the answer. I can't help it. I can't ignore it. I can't stop that urge to ask that question- the thoughts of how I might vomit- the fear that one of these nights, one of these moments- I am going to throw up. And then I have to hide it when I go out in public because I'm so scared and embarrased and worried- I hate emetophobia so much. Not to mention the teasing- half my family thinks it's funny to joke about it. My brother especially. I just wish it could all stop. But apparently not. I guess I'm going to live like this for the rest of my life, because no one cares anyways. It sounds stupid just writing it down. I just want to go to sleep without any stomach pain, any worries, and any fear that I might vomit. Just once. But I guess that's not going to happen anytime soon.
