Wow, Pink, you've really outdone yourself this time. You wrote an entire essay for a joke? Really? Yes. Yes I did.
Okay, so, we all know that Santa Claus is the real St. Nicholas, right? Well, maybe he really isn't. You see, we're supposed to be good, right? Santa will force us to eat coal if we aren't, right? Well, this makes sense. But when you think about it, you begin to realize "Aren't we supposed to forgive?" Well, Santa has no remorse. If we're good we get gifts BUT if we're bad we're forced to work in the coal mines until we're adults. No forgiveness. Also, must I point out how Santa just breaks into your house at night without consent and eats your Christmas tree ornaments? How is this in any way legal? Vandalizing someone else's property without consent? Sounds like Santa is gonna get a 1+ year jail sentence. But he leaves before anyone can see him. Also, in order to go to every single child in the world who believes in Santa Claus on Christmas eve, Santa would have to seriously push his reindeer to fly that far that fast. That's animal abuse right there. And why is it that Santa doesn't give good gifts to the poor? And he gives the best gifts to the rich kids. Sounds like Santa might not be so nice after all. Sounds like Santa is a hypocrite, doesn't it? Telling all the children to be nice when he himself isn't? Santa is in no position to force kids to eat coal in the coal mines for the rest of their childhood just because they weren't very nice that year! St. Nicholas would despise such actions! Is this really how Santa is trying to keep St. Nick's memory alive? Also, by now, it's clear Santa isn't really St. Nick, yet he claims to be- that's identity theft! Sounds like Santa is gonna need to pay at least a 1,000 dollar fine. So what's my point here? Well, I think it's ridiculous! I say we should take legal action against Santa Claus for his years of terrorizing our country! So spread this, maybe someday this insanity will finally stop. So good bye for now!
