[Note - Mentions of Islamic stuff so ya-] It hurts. It hurts so freaking much. I fear Praying. EVERY. SINGLE. AFTERNOON is scaring me. My doubts are silent k1lling me. Isn't it so funny? I can comfort people, but I don't even know how to comfort myself. I just wish to be someone else. "What's your point of life?" I don't know. Maybe none. This pain is so freaking cringey. Re-reading all of this makes me feel so cringey. If worrying was a job, I'd be a billionaire. What's my habit? worrying. What's my habit? feeling lonely. What's my habit? crying. What's my habit? stressing out. What's my habit? overthinking. What's my habit? wishing someone will help me out but in the end, it's not like people care that much. I want to be a child again. If I d1ed when I was a child, I would've been in a better place right now. Why'd father marry someone like mother? When will father stop being away from home? I'm such a "dADdy'S LiTtLe giRl" I know. This is just way too childish and cringey. Seriously, father and mother can leave anytime. Don't cry about it, me. Don't be such a kid, I've grown up. That's what mother said. I feel like praying is such a total pressure to me. It weighing me down. And it stings. A lot. It tires me to clean everything from my body before praying. The adzan is like calling my fears to come. (FYI - Adzan something like when someone calls peoples to pray in Islam) Life really hates me that much, huh? What's my task right now? DON'T be sad. DON'T rant to her. DON'T miss father. Doubting is really taking over my body. I feel very tired and scared to pray. What's the key to all of this MESS? It *something* that's very childish and cringey.
