I am tired. I haven't been posting often for the past few months because I have needed more motivation to do anything. Between school, drama, and my personal life, I haven't had the motivation to draw and do simple tasks. I am not a good person. I have made many mistakes in the past years that I have been trying to make up for. I am sorry if I have ever hurt you in some way. The ways I have coped with this are not smart either. I started to abuse substances and it almost led to my death (purposely). I also was hurting myself but I have been clean for a while now. The reason I feel this way is because I feel hopeless in the world I live in. My best "friend" is dating my ex, the people at my school annoy me, my home doesn't feel like home and I only trust 2-3 people (I'm forever grateful for them.) I wake up each day wondering if someone will try to hurt me or something bad will happen. I find little happiness in doing the things I once loved. the reasoning is that no matter how passionate I feel, no matter my efforts, it's all mediocre to me and I can do better. I work and work to make myself "happy" or "better" but all it does is make me feel horrible. Time feels slow. I am fourteen years old now and I don't know what I'm doing with myself. I take each day as is and hope for the best. I do not wish to keep going but I know I must. I feel as if love is dead. Everyone in my school is lustful and I have been in the same trap myself. I feel as if I can't feel 'loved' anymore and it feels weird to me. I hate being touched at all yet I yearn for it. The ways I have been coping as of late are religion and trying my best to get back into things. I have been making an album with my friend and I'm having fun with it. All in all, I just want to feel at peace and to have a new start. I have been making new friends in high school and it's been helping a lot. I have been talking to my friends more and trying to go out more as well. I am doing my best. Thank you for reading. I do not wish for your pity. - Alty
I yap a lot in this lol, sorry also please don't hate on this, lowkey would be messed up
