Just another vent! Just another vent-! Just another vent...! Just another vent? Just another vent-? Just another vent...? Just another vent.... I'm so tired of everybody. We have to get classes at school for $#!#!#3 prevention. We had one earlier yesterday... Our guidance counselor talked about it, y'know? She was like, "It's okay, to not be okay." ...are you sure though...? Everyone says "Strive for success!" Which I believe they're saying is "be perfect." My mental health is at 0. My will to live is at 0. I just exist. I realized, I surround myself with art, and writing, and other things. And it makes me look like I'm fine. Everything's fine. When in reality, it isn't... I'm insecure about my body, I'm overweight, I get body shamed, there's constant yelling, there's no emotion. Everyone hates me. No one loves me. Everything I know is a lie. My whole family hates me. And I've told /1/ teacher about it... She's the only one I can trust anymore... I dr0wn out my life with music, art, writing, etc etc. I use it as a coping mechanism. And when that gets taken away... I don't even wanna know what'll happen. They don't go through my phone, or any electronics thankfully, cause if they did, they'd see a whole lot. We got this "signs of $#!#!#3" card. I have it with me right now. Here's the symptoms it's saying. -Saying things like "I'm going to k!|| m¥$3|f" or "I wish I were d3@d" -relate to that one. -talking, reading, or writing about $#!#!#3. -Relate to this one. -talking about feeling w0®+h|3$$. -Yup. -D3v3l0p!ng a sudden interest in #|#0#0# -no. Not this one... -V!$!+!ng or calling people to say g00dby3. -No. Not this one... -previous $#!#!##| thoughts or @++3mp+$. -Both <3 -organizing/cleaning one's bedroom. -uhm- not sure. -"for the last time" or giving things away. -not sure either... -purposefully putting oneself in d®. -Can always count on the school to call me out </3 -obsessing about d3 or v!0l3n©3. -Yup! Always have, always will!! I still feel no emotion. When someone comforts me... There's just a hole. It just- it just isn't there. It doesn't help me. She was like "You're story isn't over yet" but it is... It is... And of course I don't tell anyone about me problems. The only reason, well, ONE of the only reasons I vent on Scratch is because 1: It's one of the only safe places; 2: my phone has a journal/therapy app but I don't have my phone; 3: my friends all brush my problems off... I only told Ms. Syd about my dad's $$!0n. Not his body shaming, object-fying, m!pul@+!v3, @$$. Oh no. Just the fights and $$!0n. I might tell her. I have no idea... But yeah-! Here's another vent for you to read... Oh wait- there's more! What a shocker!! I have a necklace that you pull one end through a loop. And pull it around your neck. See where I'm going? Twice. And just using my hands to snap the air pipe in my throat. So, I've tried about 5 times! Okay bye now. I'm gonna go be depressed in a corner...
The irocy that today is 9/11 lmao
