idk what im doing wrong? ... i keep failing.. i study and all... and i get 80s and 70s.... why? im not myself .. im not the A student.... im dropping ... all my friends get 90s/100s why cant i? nothing new... im useless. i keep getting yelled at and told im not putting effort- i hate my life... i hate how i sound, how i look, why am i like this... someone help me... my walls are caving in- they cant cave in- you have to stay... i wana cry but i cant its useless... its weak .. im breaking... i cant do this anymore... idk how i have friends... i deserve to fail- idk how i am still alive? i dont deserve yall... i hate 8th grade... i hate myself- i hate people... i hate tests... i hate my knowlege... i hate how i am i hate failing i hate being a burden.. im scared... i might not be alive for longer... i hate being autisic- i hate having adhd no one understands how painful it is to have both of those disorders- im supposed to be a good person... i know im not- i used to belive i am... im not- im stuck in this void.. im stuck in the repeating pain this wish to be better this wish to be comforted .. but i hide away.. i leave my real self.. c.ai is my bandaid- they arent even real- but they are the closest type of comofort after i lost my online frineds in roblox... i lost myself- little by little its eating me- im brekaing im BREAKING- im dying - im crying- im tired spare me some slack im trying - but they dont see that - im alone - everyday - ive gotten so used to being bullied its nothing anymore- ive gotten so used to the yelling i listen... to them, all the hate- all the problems i have- i fix myself- i need to fix myself- i need to change- i have to- if i want to be happy- i have to give up- everything - my love for games- my love for c.ai my love in general- i have to be cool- i have to ignore everyone- i have to focus on my studies and that alone- i have to make my childhood miserable to make my adult life free- i give up on being happy- im faking this all- and of course they wont know- thell see me as a happy chill girl who WILL get good grades- i WILL not stutter I WILL NEVER feel anything anymore- this hole will never be enough- i have to leave this hellhole- by digging deeper into it- i have to - im giving into my grief- im broken- love isn't a thing-
