TW: Disordered eating, unhealthy body image, unrealistic body standards. I’m so hungry. I guess nobody noticed me leave the lunch table early. Or arrive late. Or not arrive at all. With no lunchbox in hand. But of course I ate my lunch Where else could it be? I tell myself I’m not hungry And I’m not, I’m really not and I tell you I’m fine But I’m not, I’m really not. It’s just that you’ll tell me that The mirror is lying to me, and my mind is too But I don't want to have “a nice body shape”, I want to be skinny. And I know an--exia's a deadly game With meals as rounds and hunger as dice and calories as points. And weight loss as the goal. Whoever has the least amount of points at the end wins. And no snacking is allowed. But I’m not regulating, just debating Whether I should aim for 100 or 500 calories today And did I mention being hungry? Hunger is a choice, a mental state of mind that can be controlled and shoved down. And when I’m running around out of breath and telling myself that I’m out of shape when I really just have asthma And when I’m feeling lightheaded and faint and I tell myself I’m just tired when I really haven’t eaten all day And it hurts, it hurts, and the hurt Is hunger but the hunger helps with the happiness of not being seen as heavy. No, I didn’t eat my lunch today. Does it show on my face? I’m so hungry.
This poem was written by me a couple years ago when I was in my lowest point with an---xia. I was struggling mentally and was comparing my body to others around me. I didn't eat and regulated calories like crazy. I wrote this poem for therapy after having an intervention and being guided to seek help. I'm sharing it now because I've been feeling myself relapsing into unhealthy eating patterns. However, I am working on loving and cherishing my body just the way it is. To anyone who struggles with self-image: you are always enough. You are perfect just the way you were created. Don't let anyone bully you into changing yourself, you are enough. Love yourself. Value yourself. Believe in yourself. You are already whole, and you are already loved. Stay safe ♡ This poem was written 100% by me. Please ask before resharing or remixing.
