Keeping up With the Blacks Regulus: I’m boreddd Bellatrix: Me too Sirius: Me threeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee Narcissa: I am afraid for what is about to happen Andromeda: Me too Sirius: How about, we blow up the moon? Bellatrix: Great idea! Sirius: And then Moony won't have to transform anymore Cissy: Do you know how much chaos you’ll cause? Sirius: Chaos sounds fun Bella: Chaos is fun *Andromeda and Narcissa sigh* Andromeda: How do you guys even GET to the moon Bellatrix: We apparate, of course Narcissa: I don’t think that’s how space works Sirius: Who cares? We’re blowing up the moon, not moving there Andromeda: I fear how Bella’s sanity is influencing Sirius and Regulus Narcissa: Me too *Regulus, Sirius, and Bellatrix head to the moon but come back after 2 minutes with dust on their faces* We failed Andy: Did you guys even exit the atmosphere Bella: Ya *lies* Cissy: HOW?! Regulus: We apparated to the moon, and used bombaradora to make the moon explode but apparently, the moon was too big for that spell Andromeda: I swear to god Cissy: I’m going to change my whole perspective on you guys from now on Keeping up With the Malfoys Draco: Dobby! Get me a drink Dobby: Dobby will get you a drink under one condition Draco: What is it? Dobby: You’ll give Dobby some boba and bubble waffles Draco: FATHERRRRRRRRR Lucius: Draco! I’m in a meeting! Draco: With who? A pale nose less man who used to be hot when he was young? Lucius: Draco! Draco: But it’s true Dobby: Dobby demands his boba and bubble waffles Draco: Make it yourself Dobby: DOBBY WILL NOT TOLERATE THAT Draco: Ugh, I’m tired of you *gives sock*’ Dobby: DOBBY IS FREE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Draco: GOOD FOR YOU, YOUR HAPPY IN HELLL Dobby: Dobby thinks that being free isn’t hell but ok Keeping up With the Death Eaters Voldy: Welcome back Sevy: My lord, I was forced to bring a friend. Is that ok with you? Voldy: Oh of course. As long as it’s not- Dumbly: Wassup everyone! 100,000,000 points to Gryffindor because why not! Voldy: crap Dumbly: Tom! Long time no see! *Voldemort backs away* Dumbly: remember the song I sang when you were at Hogwarts Voldy: *mutters* yes but I wish I couldn’t Dumbly: *clears throught* HOGWARTS! Gryffindor! Slytherin! And who the hell cares about the rest! Draco: That’s not really a song but more like a chant but still, I wish I were deaf Dumbly: *gasps* How rude! 100,000,000,000,000 points from Slytherin! Sevy: We’re not at Hogwarts, Albus Dumbly: I don’t care! Minerva: Meow Sevy: *whispering* Minnie, what are you doing here? Minerva: I can’t just let you face Albus alone, can I? Sevy: Oh Minnie, you really are the bestest- Minerva: Bestest isn’t a word Swvy: Lemme continue you idiot, you really are the bestest friend in the world. After Lily. Lily was the best thing that ever happened to me. Minerva: *rolls eyes* of course Keeping up with The Hogwarts Staff Dumbledore: CALLING ALL HEADS OF HOUSES! *Minerva, Severus, Pomona, and Flitwick come* What happened? Dumbledor: umm…. Filly, Panna. What are you guys doing here? Panoma: We’re heads of houses, what do ya think? Dumbledore: No you aren’t. Only Sevy and Minnie are heads of houses *Sprout and Flitwick kill Dumbledore* Ron comes to the Dursleys for Christmas Harry: yo Ron, want to come to my place for Christmas? Ron: um… sure! *at the Dursleys* Vernon: So, boy, you brought your friend? Harry: ya Vernon: oh well, he can sleep in the cupboard with you Harry: Ok! Ron, you’ll love it. I made lots of friends in there! Ron: FRIENDS?! (Like 3 seconds later) Ron: *screams* SPIDER! SPIDER!!!!!!!!!! Harry: Shut up, it’s only a spider Ron: A MURDEROUS VENOM EATING SPIDER!!!!!!! Harry: Why did you even agree to come here in the first place? Ron: I just wanted to get away from Ginny! Harry: B-but I already invited her! *doorbell rings* *Ron screams more* *Vernon opens the door* Ginny: The boss has arrived Ron: *screams x1000* The Weasley twins’ Band Fred: Everyone! We made a band! George: Yeah! And we’re going to sing our first song Ginny: Oh this is gonna be so good Fred: *Singing in tone of ‘Bad Guy’* Pink toad face she makes my life hell George: My perfect hand already ruined Fred: Thinking she is the best George: How does Filch even likes her? Fred: Writing on my hand and ________- Continued in credits
George: Girl remove your cats *Literally the whole crowd screams out of happiness* Fred: I think I’m going to bury myself George: Good bye little toad Fred: No pranks? No thank you very muchi George: So you think you’re a cool guy? Fred: Like a really cool guy George: But your legitmally useless Fred: Like really, really useless George: Like super useless Fred: Like no one cares your dead George: McGonagall’s about to roast Fred: I can’t wait till that George: Let start some praannkksss *crowd screams while the musical break begins to play* Fred: And that’s it for now everyone! Have a nice day! *bows* Keeping up with the Potters James: Um, Lily? Lily: *comes* yes? James: I think I mistaken the invisibility cloak as a blanket for Harry and… Lily: Oh god, not again James: I think I wrapped him around it and now I can’t find Harry anywhere Lily: Oh god *Harry starts bawling like crazy* James: never mind, I think I’ll find him *Sirius appears at the front door* Guys! I got toys for Harry! Lily: *rolling eyes* Not now, Sirius *James comes carrying Harry* Sirius: *holding a wolf, dog, rat, and stag stuffie in front of Harry’s face* Which isss yyourrr favorite? Which is your favoriteeee? *mentally* there is only one answer, it’s me! *out loud* the dog seems really cute, doesn’t he? *Harry grabs all the stuffies and rips them all apart* James and Sirius:…. *Harry starts crawling to Lily and hugs her* Lily: I guess this is it then, I’M the best because Harry likes ME more and he hates you two. Which makes ME the best thing to ever exist! Sirius: I think they should’ve taught us how to get a child to love you at Hogwarts James: Yaa Keeping Up with The Death Eaters Voldemort: Welcome everyone to Social Studies Lucius: I’m sorry what? Voldemort: You didn’t let me finish, welcome to social studies DEATH EATER EDITION! Bellatrix: Yay! Narcissa: Do you even know what social studies is? Bellatrix: Yes, it’s where you study, but instead of studying, your socializing! Narissa: *sighs* Voldemort: Lesson 1: Where to kill people Bellatrix: DOUBLE YAY! Voldemort: So, if you want to kill people, you need to find a place where no one is watching… I’M TALKING TO YOU, WORMTAIL Peter: But I framed Sirius Voldemort: STILL! Now where was I? Right… If you want to kill someone, like a mudblood- Bellatrix: EW! EW! EWWWWWW! Lucius: shut up, Bella Bellatrix: Says the person who failed the Dark Lord multiple times and lied that he never even worked for him Narcissa: Bella! Don‘t say that about my Lucy! Your grounded! Bellatrix: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!’ Voldemort: Narcissa! Lucius! Go to the time-out corner! *Bellatrix sticks out her tongue at them* Voldemort: If only getting interrupted never existed…. Where was I? Oh yeah, if you want to kill someone, like a mudblood, you will want to go somewhere where no one is watching, so that you won’t go to Azkaban Peter: Like what I did! Lucius: *from timeout corner* No you didn’t Narcissa: *also from timeout corner* How is this even social studies? Keeping up with the Black/Malfoy/LeStrange sistas (not including Andy because she was DISOWNED) Bella: ALL HAIL THE DARK LORDDDDDD! Cissy: Shut UP Bella! Bella: HOW DARE YOU! AVADA KADAVRA!!!!! Cissy: *doesn’t die* I’m too SLAY to die Bella: Crap Draco: What is happening? Cissy: Go away Draco. This isn’t for your kids your age Draco: b-but. I’M 11! Cissy: EXACTLY! Draco: Guess I’ll never be old enough to do anything before I die… Cissy: Exactly! You will be too young for EVERYTHING until your like a hundred which only less than 1% of the world population lives up to. Draco: Wow. That is… depressing. Cissy: GOOD! Now Lemme have my “amazing” sister time with my sister! Draco: But father is a meanie! *starts screaming and kicking like a little child* Cissy: I can’t believe I’m raising this brat Bella: I can take care of him! Cissy: Bella, that would be sweet, but you can’t even handle a fish Bella: Yes I CAN! Cissy: *rolls eyes* yeah right
