I hate when ppl around me get upset , bc I get upset and bc somehow everything's my fault . I make it my life goal to make everyone happy so when I'm not happy I keep it in , say I'm ok , and no one even notices smth's off . Am I that good of an actor or do they just really not care ? + sometimes when I say I'm ok I want someone to hug me and say " I know you're not . " even if I am . I want someone to care . I want ppl to shut up abt " omg you're such a crybaby " and " are you emo or smth ? " people don't cry because they're weak , they cry because they've been strong too long . I've smiled too long . Laughed when there's nothing to laugh about too long . Been the shoulder to cry on when I need a shoulder to have a full-on meltdown on too long . I can't do this anymore I can't do this anymore so what do I want ? What do you want , Julie ? my parents ask me every day and I want to slap them and scream " you could never give it to me anyway ! " because while they knew I wasn't ok they stood by and did nothing because apparently depression and anxiety is just a " phase . " ok . Well , I want my asthma to go away . I want to stop not being able to breathe in the middle of a conversation and have to go to the nurse because my parents don't feel like buying me an inhaler . I want people on scratch to stop leaving and coming back two days later because they want attention and followers and people to feel bad because it's SO FREAKIN ANNOYING and I want people to stop telling me I'm faking about what I'm going through because I'm not a liar . I've been through way too much to have the guts to even tell some people . but most importantly , I want THESE STUPID BRACES TO STOP HURTING BEFORE I YANK THEM OUT OF MY MOUTH AND MY DENTIST CAN LOOK AT THEM AND WEEP thx for listening to me yap <3
