Im a bit lost, My actions, feelings , its all driving me to a place of mind where I dont know anymore. Questioning Myself, Why would You do that? They Dont feel the same, You Think they CARE? Dont get me wrong, therapy has been a great help, but this is all different, I feel as if It wasnt those around me, It was just ME, All my fault, All My doing, Yet I thought for years it was them, All THEYRE Fault, Yet now, Im realizing it was me all along, I was the problem, I AM the problem, yet theres still a part of me that says It was Them. Yet I dont have the Guts to own up to my mistakes, And I never will, Though I know It may have not been all of theyre faults, It was some, and those few people will Never have my forgiveness, For all of those awful thoughts you put into my head, all the self doubt, your not good enough, youll never be them, I despise you for that, yet I beleive you can change, as long as you own up to your actions. I know they never will, and I can live with that, dont expect me to let you come crawling back to me, after that you think I would want to see you? After EVERYTHING! THE TEARS, SLEEPLESS NIGHTS, HATING MYSELF! YOU THINK I WOULD FORGIVE YOU? Yet a ever so small part of me Will, Were onyl human, We make mistakes, yet those mistakes can affect others in ways youll never understand. Yet Im still here, Im alive and somewhat well, My friends, family, community, and those who inspire me keep me going, pushing me on, and that brings me joy, that makes everyday better than the last, to watch myself grow as a person, an adult, just makes it all worth it in the end.
