----------------------------------------------------------------- ⠀ ⠀⠀ ⠀⠀ ⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀ ⠀ATELPHOBIA ⠀ ⠀⠀ ⠀⠀ ⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀by aaron (@-revery) ⠀ ⠀⠀ ⠀⠀ ⠀⠀ ⠀⠀ ⠀⠀ a short story ⠀ ⠀⠀ ⠀⠀ ⠀⠀ ⠀⠀ ⠀-------------------- ⠀ ⠀⠀ Atelphobia; the fear of not being good enough ⠀ ⠀⠀ ⠀⠀ ⠀⠀ ⠀⠀ ⠀-------------------- Axel was face down in his homework. ⠀ Letters and numbers swam on the pages, the questions getting fuzzy as his eyes attempted to adjust to the closeness his face was to the paper. He gave up, closing his eyes as he let out a quiet groan. ⠀ He'd been working on this math quiz review for hours on end. And if he didn't do good on this assignment, he would never pass his test on Monday. ⠀ If only he'd been working more in class, asking more questions to the teacher, working harder and smarter. If only he'd stop lying to everyone saying "it's fine, I don't need help with my homework, I understand it okay and it's only a few questions-" ⠀ But the lies came easier then admitting he needed help. Admitting he wasn't strong enough, smart enough, not - never - good enough. How could he ever shut down the repeating chorus of voices of all the people in his past and present pulling him down into darkness, grating him into dust that was just blown away, like the petals on a white dandelion. The goal felt too out of reach, too far, like it was resting in the bowl of a gold trophy he was too far down the list to reach. ⠀ Axel hated this, hated all of this. The walls of the bedroom that is supposed to be his safe space felt like they weren't his, like they belonged to a stranger that wasn't him. He hated how his chair suddenly felt stiffer, how the lights seemed to grow dimmer, how the room felt more claustrophobic then normal. ⠀ Axel, pencil equipped, lifted a shaky hand to his page, trying to focus on the jumbled equations instead of the tornado raging behind his eyes. But still, he couldn't focus on the questions, his mind caught on every single what-if in his own small pocket of the universe. -----------------------------------------------------------------
