Too much is happening. I want to kms So today is finally the day. I got disowned from my mom and I am no longer her daughter. We were talking in the car on our way back from therapy about what abuse is and why she’s abusing me and yada yada, it turns out I’m also abusive but emotionally abusive (that sucks… but I’ll work on it…reason why is because I call her bad things but that’s because she hits me and I can’t hit her back so…) I told her that I was abusive too and that we should work together to change and that I’ll try my best to fix the issues so we no longer suffer in this circle of torture, but in order to do that we’d need to tell the therapist everything. About the way she also abuses and how even if it means that cps gets called and she thought I was crazy and that she wasn’t gonna loose her two daughters (forgot about me) because of me and that she’ll just neglect me (LITTERALLY said it like that). She told me to never talk to her again and when she was talking to my sister I wanted to say something and she just told me to shut up and that she was talking to HER daughter. I guess I was always nothing to both parents. She then told me that she was gonna leave me with my grandparents because she doesn’t want me to live with her anymore, essentially kicking me out of the house. All because I want to liberate myself from all this pain by saying everything. I don’t understand why I have therapy if I can’t tell them how I feel without restrictions… I will expose them….no matter the cost. No one cared about my well being so I might as well care about it. You know, I’m trying my best to keep it together but it hurts. I lost my dad, my step dad, and now my mom. Do I deserve it? For context, my real dad died in an accident before I was born and my step dad was abusive, so we had to leave and I’ve been dealing with his abuse everyday till it got to a point where he almost killed me by throwing me off a balcony. I’ve been diagnosed with Major depressive disorder, ptsd, anxiety, etc. so much craps gone in my life I just don’t want to be here anymore. SOMEONE GET ME OUT OF HERE!!!!!! April 27, 25 Update: my life is better now but I got diagnosed with bipolar disorder
If anyone out there understands….i need you
