falling choking drowning drowning in piles of 'homework' assignments that i assigned myself things that i think too much of and thought over once too many-- times when i can't even keep track of the time when it's 'so easy!' but my swirling mind has ran in circles paced in lines so that the thread of my memory runs round and round round my throat tightening just so slightly that i feel it constricting me but it isn't a problem 'it isn't a problem.' not yet, you always told me to say when it is not yet a problem and i am not yet a problem and others are yet a problem of such severity that this little yarn that ties itself in a knot so neatly and lets me fall so far down a hole of self pity maybe it is not yet a problem and maybe you are right and so i will tell myself not yet just as you taught me to say so it slowly suffocates me and when it is so simple to untie now you say not yet not yet until i really drown not yet until it's really a problem 'what's wrong?' nothing. nothing yet.
where does the end of the ocean begin where does the beginning of the ocean end where does sand become shore and shore become seafoam I want to be there for half a day and watch my tears wash away for saltwater in saltwater is saltwater all the same where does the tide not feel your tears are strange I kept a turtle in my ear it told me I ought to do more it said that no one liked an 'unfinished slide' but I fear that what it says is what I hear I smashed the turtle in my ear crumbled the shards of its tiny shell and burned them there's still a tiny voice telling me speaking to me A little lizard in my ear. I ought to do more. I cannot stress how much I want to put my stress into a jar a mason jar with glitter and romanticise it like a YA novel does shimmering like a dark mermaid tail but my stress is tar and leeches a black evil gel
