sooooo life is hard igggg i've been thinking this for the past week. finals, finals, essays, more essays, more studying. GADSFJDSKFJSKFJDKSFJKS anyway... if ur reading this thank you for being here for me <3 there was...well... i was at choir practice, and talking about my new official crush (heh), and my friend asked if it was a girl or a boy. i DON'T KNOW why i hesitated. but i said, "a boy, but i've had some girl crushes". my other friend...the look on her face...god, i will never forget that. surprise. but also...disgust. THAT look reminded me that no one will ever accept ppl who are different. yeah, they might say it, but they don't mean it. b/c people are scared of things that are different. all of my life i've tried to be perfect. smart in math and science, talented at piano and choir, kind and sweet to everyone. and if ONE little thing about me ISN'T NORMAL... if it's DIFFERENT... i get THAT look. i shouldn't have said it. idk why i said it. that was the first time i said it irl. and if anyone finds out besides them, my life is going to fall apart. it already is falling apart. i'm already a nerd. and i know it. i'm proud of it. but tbh idk what to do with my life. i feel like my social life is improving. a crush for one thing. but rn the guy's kinda more like an acquaintance. (edit apr 23 2025 :: ive spent 4 hours (3 hours just me and him), then 15 min, then 2 hours, then a WHOLE DAY, then ANOTHER WHOLE DAY, then 2 hours again, and the next time he sees me he goes "hi" and waves like we've talked for two minutes. im s0bb!ng.) anyway...im still add!ct3d to scratch, sooo to make u guys happy, im just gonna say there's a very high chance that im staying. love y'all <3 bella out -->
edit (jan 10 2025) DEF STILL STAYING ilygsfm anddd this year is off to a better start!! edit (apr 23 2025) @aur0ras-vxrsiion (check my b/w)
