So before ya'll start reading this monstrosity of a play me and my best friend irl @Ore0cooki3s made. I just want to thank a few people. First of all, thanks to Charles Dickens for making the original story (Very excellent work, indeed, I wish you were alive so I could write you an e-mail or smth) and thanks for Scratch for letting me post this, ig ______________ Yoanni: *reading from a book* ‘Tis was the night before Christmas when everything was wasn’t a joy and 25-year-old Hannah was starting to get poor, because down the inflation pour Hannah: *from story* Are you just rhyming stuff now? Yoanni: Shut up, your 25 and still single. Hannah:…. Yoanni: *continuing to read from story* Days and days Hannah looked for the perfect gifts for the right price. The price tags remained in her nightmares. The store logos of Sephora, Gucci, and LuluLemon haunted her every day. Then one night, while Hannah was sleeping innocently snuggled up in her blankie (She looks so young!!!!) A strange thing appeared at the foot of her bed. Yoanni (ghost of Christmas Past form): oooOooOooOoh, OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH Hannah: *wakes up* WHAT THE F- Yoanni (ghost of Christmas Past form): IT IS I! Hannah: Yoanni, is that you? Yoanni (ghost of Christmas past form): No, I’m the ghost of Christmas Pastttttt Hannah: I DON’T CARE WHO YOU ARE, I NEED TO KNOW HOW YOU CAME INTO MY HOUSE IN THE FIRST PLACE! Yoanni (ghost of Christmas Past form): I’m a ghost. I go through walls Hannah: Oh *uses an unbelievably bad posh British accent* May I assist you to the living room for some tea? Yoanni (ghost of Christmas past form): No, I’m here for something different Hannah: *uses her normal accent* awwww, what is it? Yoanni (ghost of Christmas past form): Remember how you’ve always wanted to time travel when you were a kid, then wrote stories about them which ended with death and misery? Hannah: Yeah, I was like, thirteen Yoanni (ghost of Christmas past form): I know, good times Hannah: Can we just NOT mention that? Yoanni (ghost of Christmas past form): And miss the fun? No thanks! Now rise from your bed mortal, we’re going back in time!!! Hannah: What do you mean “back in time” *Yoanni in ghost form holds Hannah’s hand and takes her back ten years* Hannah: *seeing a 15-year-old Hannah writing on a computer in her bedroom* Where am I? Yoanni (ghost of Christmas past form): This is you from 2024 when you were 15! Your writing the skit we are in right now with me! But I was in India at that time so there was some time zone issues! 15-year-old Hannah: Why isn’t Yoanni writing anything??? *spams her e-mail and calls her repeatedly* *14-year-old Yoanni answers phone* I’M SLEEPING HANNAH! 25-year-old Hannah: Why are we here again? Yoanni (ghost of Christmas past form): To teach you a lesson! Hannah: About what? Yoanni (ghost of Christmas past form): That people can visit family in different time zones, and you need to respect that Hannah: I DO respect that, I just forgot she was in India Yoanni (ghost of Christmas past form): Uh-huh. Woopsie, my time with you is done. Have fun seeing the next ghost!!!! Hannah: Wait, what do you mean “next ghost”? *Yoanni in ghost of Christmas past form disappears and Hannah finds herself in the present* Hannah: At least I’m hom- *Crash happens* Yoanni (Ghost of Christmas Presents form): OOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOooOH Hannah: Can you just NOT Yoanni (Ghost of Christmas Presents form): But we’re GHOSTS Hannah: *sighs* Fine, who are you, anyway? Yoanni (Ghost of Christmas Presents form): I am the ghost of Christmas presents! Hannah: You mean “Present” Yoanni (Ghost of Christmas Presents form): No, I mean “Presents” LET ME SHOW YOU THE PRESENTS!!!!!! *transports her to Santa’s workshop* Look at all these elves! Slaving away as they make toys for kids who don’t deserve them! Hannah:.... Ok? Yoanni (Ghost of Christmas Presents form): Now, let’s make them work harder! Hannah: WHY? Yoanni (Ghost of Christmas Presents form): Because we’re cruel! _____ Continued in N/C
Hannah: No we aren’t- Yoanni (Ghost of Christmas Presents form): *Invents more children* MAKE MORE TOYS! MORE TOYS! Hannah: STOP, STOP, STOP, STOP! What are you doing? Yoanni (Ghost of Christmas Presents form): Creating hell for the elves, why? Hannah: You shouldn’t be doing that! Yoanni (Ghost of Christmas Presents form): But why? Hannah: Um, because I said so! Yoanni (Ghost of Christmas Presents form): Fine, your no fun anyway *Hannah finds herself back in her room again* I swear, if there’s another ghost I’m gonna- Yoanni (Ghost of Christmas Future form): HILLOO Hannah: Crap Yoanni (Ghost of Christmas Future form): I AM THE GHOST OF CHRISTMAS FUTURE! OoooooOOooooOOooh! Hannah: Let me guess, your making me time-travel again and teach me a “lesson” Yoanni (Ghost of Christmas Future form): Right you are *Holds Hannah’s hand and travels to the time on 2099 with 90-year-old Hannah sitting on the couch and being served coffee by a robot* Hannah: This is me in the future? Yoanni (Ghost of Christmas Future form): It’s sad, I know Hannah: Sad?! Yoanni, this is great! I don’t have to make my coffee anymore! Yoanni (Ghost of Christmas Future form): No, it’s not that! Do you see any MAN in here? Hannah: No, but isn’t that the poi- Yoanni (Ghost of Christmas Future form): Do you think you will have any CHILDREN? Hannah: I mean, it doesn’t look like it Yoanni (Ghost of Christmas Future form): EXACTLY, this is how your future’ll look like if you don’t find a husband soon! Hannah: But is that really necessary? Yoanni (Ghost of Christmas Future form): YES! Now thanks to you, the human population is going extinct! Hannah: What do you mean? Yoanni (Ghost of Christmas Future form): At this time, your the only human left on earth Hannah: I am? Yoanni (Ghost of Christmas Future form): Yes. You’ve become so isolated that you made friends with the robots *90-year-old Hannah collapse* Yoanni (Ghost of Christmas Future form): Oh look, you’ve died. And the last human didn’t even get to experience 2100! How sad Hannah: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Yoanni: *closes book* Now children, moral of the story is that if your 25 and single, you should start finding yourself a spouse or you’ll end human existence _____ One-of-the-author's-note: Guys, please don't take the moral seriously, it was just said for fun. If your 25 and still single, I respect that and won't force you to date anybody :) I think I'm going to be single for the rest of my life *Nervous laugh*
