i actually started out as a traditional artist, so when i only want to doodle or draw w/ colors and layers and whatnot, i just use a pen and scrap paper lol warning: tedtalk, long rant, dazai-related issues, character analysis: dazai isn't s u 1 c i d a l in a i-want-to-commit way, he simply doesn't see any value to living. It's kinda like a mix of ADHD and depression! He doesn't get any joy from living a normal life (similar to how people w/ ADHD --aka: me, i struggle with this little aspect of having adhd sm-- don't always get happiness juice from completing little tasks), and its kinda just led to him having no motivation to live. Add that to Mori's influence, and being a genius, and you end up wondering constantly "is there any point to this." He literally JOINED the PM to see if living so close to d e a t h could make him value life more. I don't know if he's realized it, but he HAS found his reason to value life! (or reason living if we wanna be funny) (s2 intro supremacy) He is motivated by Odasaku's last wish (we all know it, i doubt i need to write it lol), and throughout the manganime and light novels, we see that! He's not placing value in his own life, but instead in others' lives. While this IS unhealthy, it's keeping him alive. And I think his constant s u 1 c i d e jokes are just because he's uncomfortable with the idea of being perceived truly, and is making his character flat in the eyes of the ADA members. I think he's genuinely getting better, and that he's afraid of that, because while his state of mind was unhealthy, it was familiar, and in a way, stable. mkay this concludes my tedtalk take care of yourselves y'all!
merry late christmas, happy new years, happy holidays, TBH im holding out on festivities until tet/lunar new year debating showing up to school in an ao dai i mean what are they gonna do? theres no dress code lol i binged tgcf on the flight back from asia (winter break lol, i have finally gone to see the land of my ancestors) (theres no northern vietnamese food in nyc, and i think ive missed out my entire life) (the pollution thoughhhhh) 8 ENTIRE HOURS WORTH OF GAY SLOWBURN, FOR A C L I F F H A N G E R i want qi rong deceased, now p a i n f u l l y can everyone leave xie lian alone until he gets some therapy (everyone except for hua cheng lol ofc)
