I forgor the tail :sobbing: A lot of the new-ish redesign taken from @JustHayden08 ANYWAYS: I do JROTC as you sillies know BUT. I just got the position I wanted and I was, quite excited but now I realized so many things: "Oh wait, I have to actually be a normal persona and do things.. well dang." and that means, responsibilities... I have like 12 - 15 cadets and I know almost none of their names, I'm a flight sergeant and my flight commander is with me on learning everyone's name but they've gotten farther. I haven't gotten to the point of anything yet so far so uhm-, yeah. I failed my ASL final as you may know also and my final grade for Semester 1 was a 67 for the class and, if you know my family, even a barely passing grade doesn't cut it for them and it would HAVE to be above a 75% at least so. I lost all my rights and privileges. I'm only allowed to go to therapy and not even use the tools they give me to like, calm myself down. I told them my love for art and the therapist told me that "Oh yeah, if you're ever in distress or anything like that then you should draw your feelings out, and probably burn it or just, throw it away. It'll help." and that's what I've been doing whenever my emotions get the better of me but like, I'm not allowed to draw whatsoever anymore and it's going to be like that until I get my next progress report card but, what they don't understand is that I'm in ASL2 now and not ASL1 and I cannot change that 67 to a 75 so I generally lost everything for the time being. You may see me active here but only during the week, and even then, it's rare due to the classes I have ugh. Everything's been changing and I generally hate it. Change sucks, I hate it, it stresses me out, and I like keeping things the same as it was. On a happier note I suppose, I'm still working on drawing at school and in secret and I like coding again. I didn't really wanna deal with people anymore but it's out of my control. My 2025 goal is just to be more open about me being a transfem and to see if my parents will accept me but, I already gave up my 2nd goal. At least my 3rd goal of finishing the games I really wanna finish is still possible. [I say the 2nd one is already done because my parents have made it obvious that they feel like I get manipulated easily and that someone puts those ideas in my head. They openly discuss homophobic and VERY transphobic ideologies and say how "This is stupid, why would anyone do this. Don't they know it's a false reality, a fantasy? It actually doesn't matter and that they won't ever be a Girl/Man." and my blood B O I L S. I've been trying to get out but my closest family member is an entire state away and I can't live with friends because people are like, not accepting either? I'm in the deep south so it's already quite wrong to be anything other than "straight" and it's worse that I wanna change myself to see myself in a better light but oh well. I'm getting a haircut this weekend so I'm probably going to cry afterwards and yeah. I hate everything that's going on, I've basically given up being happy. I want to be myself but all I get told is that "It's not real, you aren't actually this way, you are just being manipulated and controlled." and my parents don't get the fact that I really want to be that way. I've started denying it in my household and have given up finding out if anyone is supportive in my home because they aren't. My parents ask questions that are purposely not possible to answer truthfully because whatever I say won't matter. As soon as I get the chance to move out I am going to leave and never come back. I already have a way to get on my feet once I leave and I have friends who have my back so that helps but like. I hate my own family. I don't feel safe in my own home and it's weird. I'm probably going to stop the rant here but, it's nothing much. Oh, if you guys have any way to contact me outside of scratch then I encourage you to at least, don't contact me? My parents found my accounts to "twatter" and "red bits" and I got grounded for the entirety of Christmas break because of it. And they now stalk my social media accounts they've found out I had so like, yeah. They keep asking me "Why are your account names "Azzy" or do you say your online "persona" is a *trans slur.*" Thanks for listening to my Ted talk.
