TW, child abuse and neglect maybe, everyone takes things differently, so idk if it'll seem like abuse to you. So recently a friend (and a couple others before) started to ask about my home life, and if I was ok. Normally I'm able to hide my life at home by pretending it's alright, but it's really not. So I decided instead of only telling a handful of peeps while the others are left wondering what's wrong, to just tell everyone so they know. ST might take this down, so be it, I just need things to clear up. So at home, I'm almost never online because: 1: My parents don't know I have scratch or any other social. 2: There's almost ALWAYS drama going on, it's never calm in here. 3: I usually am downstairs in my room listening to music to drown out the fighting upstairs. and 4: It can get kind of dangerous if I don't watch what I say, which is why I'm the silent type of person irl. With that being sad, now you know why I go offline as soon as school ends. Sometimes I sneak in, but that's really risky. ~~~~~~~TWTWTWTWTWTWTW TWTWTWTWTW~~~~ Why do things get dangerous at home? Why am I so afraid of getting caught? Why do I sometimes break in here? Well, to put things short: My father, when he gets mad, he gets REALLY mad. He once kicked my brother multiple times while we all couldn't do anything. And multiple times, well, he gave the dad belt treatment to me mostly and he doesn't stop until we can't breathe anymore. (the dad belt is basically using a belt to hit others). but he tries not to do it as much, and he can be nice. however, he's almost always ready to hit anyone. I love my dad, but my fear of him is bigger. The other dangerous person here? My mother. If you've known me for a while now, you know that I sometimes let it slip that I have a strong dislike for my mother. Why? She manipulates us, she manipulated ME into thinking my dad was the bad guy. Yes, he hits us, but it's 'correcting' us, we're the ones who did the thing to get him mad. Everyday I woke up thinking my dad was the villian. Another thing about her, she's almost always 'sick', and she blames it on my dad. She feels faint? It was my dad. She sneezed? Blame it on my dad. Something bad happens to her in her job? Dad time! It's always pinning the blame at my dad, but that's just part of the reason I dislike her so much. She literally packed her bags one day and left, not a goodbye, nothing. She got picked up by her sister, and she stayed over there. Every day for 3 weeks, I thought it was me, especially since my dad blames everything on me. I thought I was the reason, I was insanely ready to... end it because I couldn't handle being the thing that broke my family apart. Then she returned, smile on face, acting as if she didn't just leave an 8 year old boy and a 10 year old girl that knew nothing. I don't need her, I once asked for her love, but it's clear she doesn't love me back, I don't need it anymore. She literally hates me, the amount of times this person has literally shouted at me, hit me with things, literally made me into a mass of anxiety. I have a feeling ik why she is the way she is with me, and it might be bc I look a lot like my father, who she never loved and only used to run away from her home with her parents. why haven't I come out to them yet? they literally threw multiple objects at me when I hinted it, and they yelled so much, I was forced to lie right when I was about to come out. another thing: they say they're faithful Christians, when they haven't taken us to church since 2020. plus, they say and do horrible things, it's hard to believe that Jesus is in this household. (yes i'm also a christian sigh ignore the bible next to my lovely Harry Potter clock) Anyways, at home, it's never calm, it's always stressful for me, that's why I'm not as active during the weekends, and that's the exact reason I hate weekends. it's just a constant reminder that everyday, I have to wake up to chaos. Scratch is really the only thing I have where I can share things without being yelled at constantly. it's a place where I can feel like myself. the only other place I knew was where my therapy was located, and my parents forced me to stop having those sessions in 2023. I had therapy when I was 8 as well, but the reason behind that might be too far for Scratch. anyways, yes, I have a huge guilt complex rn bc of what's going on, I blame myself a lot and feel horrible, I have a ton of anxiety I usually mask in order not to upset anyone, and my depression? it's really high, and lots of times, a little too many times, I wish I could finish my life already. I've almost done it, all of them stopped by friends in here (I could give usernames but I don't want their pf's to be spammed with "OH YOU STOPPED MOTH FROM DOING IT!!!", and if you do figure them out, leave them alone, please. also, no, these aren't my griffpatcher friends, these were friends from before I became a griffpatcher. so yes, for a while now.)
anyways, that's my home life in a nutshell. I can share the hardest moments of them, but there's so many, so you'll have to use your imagination. :) take this down, st, and you have to eat all 4 limbs from Storm
