"I don't see you like I should..." The night was cool and the air was crisp. The kit was glad that it was leaf-fall so that he could play with leaves and distract himself. He'd found a tiny bit of water, and had washed most of the bl00d off his claws, but not all of it. "You look so misunderstood..." He was currently playing with a leaf, though his mind was quickly turning to the fact that he'd attacked another kit, and for a moment, he'd felt good about hurting fae. Scorpionkit had gotten on his nerves, but had xe really deserved that? "And I wish I could help..." Infernokit shifted on his paws guiltily, the leaf forgotten behind him as he paced. He knew that he was alone; it was too late at night, or too early in the morning, for anyone to be awake. He didn't remember which. He'd been too lost in his thoughts to pay attention much. "But it's hard when I hate myself..." Infernokit had washed the cut that Scorpionkit had given him as well, and he knew that it would likely heal on its own, but not without giving him a scar. He reached up absentmindedly to find the cut on his ear. He winced a bit and set his paw back down, the stinging sensation giving him a reminder of what he'd done. "Pray to God with my arms open..." He growled quietly, "Why can't I just forget about it and move on? Xe deserved it! My parents cared about me... didn't they? They shouldn't have... I'm growing up to be a monster... I shouldn't have attacked Scorpionkit like that... but... no, no, no!" He shook his head emphatically, feeling tears well up in his eyes. He couldn't believe that he was thinking these things. Did he really believe that Scorpionkit had deserved it? No, no one deserved to be hurt... unless they hurt someone else... like, Morphosmile deserved it... no, no, even Morphosmile didn't deserve to be hurt! "If this is it, then I feel hopeless..." Infernokit hissed at himself and sat down, raking his claws through the ground in anger. Why was he being so idiotic?! Infernokit felt like he was about to cry. It was back and forth, back and forth, back and forth! Xe deserved it, xe didn't deserve it! Xe deserved it, xe didn't deserve it! XE DIDN'T DESERVE IT! Infie stared at his claws, specifically at the red tint to them, and he felt a sense of dread wash over him. He was turning into exactly the cat that he didn't want to be. "And I wish I could help..." He heard pawsteps and looked up, only to see... himself, staring back at him. But, it wasn't him. It was him as a warrior. He had scars, so many scars, and bl00d on his paws and splattered all over his pelt, adding to the red of his fur. Infernokit yowled in rage and swiped at the cat, at himself, but he didn't disappear. Instead, he laughed darkly at himself and said, "Do you really think you can get rid of me /that/ easily? I will never leave you. You are me, and I am you. I will be in your head forever, telling you to attack instead of talk. You. Are. Deadly. Admit it, and I will leave, for now." "But it's hard when I hate myself..." Infernokit shook his head and backed away. "No, no, no! I'm not you! You aren't me! NO! I won't be a m^rd3r3r! I am not deadly!" He felt a sob escape him, but he didn't hear it. His voice was suddenly gone. The other cat, no, the older version of him, glared at him, all humor gone from his expression. "Don't talk back to me. You will repeat this, or you will never be rid of me. You are deadly." "Yeah, late nights are the worst for me..." The strange, evil cat waited patiently for Inferno to respond, but he didn't. He didn't want to admit it. He couldn't. He /would not/ be deadly. Never. The older him growled and pinned Infernokit down. "Say it! Admit to yourself that you are deadly!" "They bring out the worst in me..." Infernokit writhed and squirmed, trying to get out. He couldn't say anything, and deep down, he knew that he wouldn't wake up unless he followed directions. But he didn't want to. StarClan, he didn't want to. "Please," he managed to whisper, his voice hoarse with unshed tears. "Mind runnin', got me feeling' like it hurts to think..." The other cat didn't respond, simply pressing his small body farther into the earth. Infernokit let out a soft sob and said quietly, "I am deadly." Then, he blinked his eyes open to see the FlurryClan camp, just as it had been in his dream. He looked up at the sky, relieved to see that it was still night. "If this is all that I wanted, I don't want it, gotta be more for me..." Then, he started crying. Tears, cold and salty, ran down his face, and shook violently, terrified and anxious. A pit formed in his stomach, a dark pit, and he knew that nothing would ever fill it. Nothing could heal the wound that he'd just inflicted upon himself. Nothing. He was damaged by his own paws, and he would never be able to fix it.
