this vent is about many things, so be prepared to read a lot. key: Missy - (“?)best friend(“) so, its been happening since 6th grade. I started feeling like I can’t do it. I can’t do this. I can’t do life. Its just so hard. Its just so much pressure. I could go on and on about life, but I won’t. My dad yells at me. My mom yells at me. My sister yells at me. My dad blames me. My mom blames me. My sister blames me. My family blames me. i was proven right when in october, my dad yelled at me and i finally snapped. i told them i knew my mistakes, i told them i didn’t need to be reminded that i couldnt do anything right, then they acted all innocent. then, the day after, my “friends” started talking **** abt me, i couldn’t hold it in and put my head down in 5th period, crying. Luckily, 5th period was health, and my teacher was understanding. she listened to me and let me take my time and didn’t pry. she felt like the only adult i could talk to without getting yelled at. i also feel like im nothing to my parents. they do a h*ll lot for my sister, like get her everything she wants because her likings are “harder” to get items for. she is also a baby, crying when we don’t get her ice cream or something she wanted really bad. while im over here, not caring. i didn’t even eat dinner yesterday because they got mcdonalds and didnt bother to make me something so i wouldn’t st@rve. i do cheer, they only take me to practices and games and competitions, they don’t even try to take me to something to support my high school friends or something cheer related i really want to go to. instead, im f0rced to go to a stvpid gymnastics thing, which isnt even fun. (no offense gymnasts, but i just don’t think your sport is interesting). now school related issues, i feel like im loosing missy, one of my first friends. i already lost my very first best friend, i don’t need to lose another. Missy doesn’t really talk to me anymore, she talks to her gymnastics and badminton friends. i dont even have a class with her. i also think i should quit cheer, but i cant. i love cheer, but im not gaining anything. i’ve been a cheerleader for 6 years, and i’ve tried so so so so so so hard to get Varsity, Co-Captain, and soon Captain. I got beat by a 5TH GRADER for Varsity, I got beat by a self absorbed girl on my team who can’t do a cartwheel for co-captain, and I think she’s going to beat me again for captain. i’ve been working on a back-handspring for 3 YEARS, and i’ve gained nothing at all. i’ve only gained more pressure to get it without a spot cleanly. i could perform my backhandspring on an airtrack at the end if the year cleanly, i think. probably by 8th grade. i may seem like a happy person, but im not. one example could be when i was trying to help my sister she yelled at me, but then when I don’t help her, she yells at me. i’m always confused at what she wants me to do. help her or not? im also very insecure about my (irl) name. i get bullied for it. i really want to be able to not be bullied for my name. i’ve told my parents i might want to change it, and they even asked me if i had any ideas. reality. i h reality. it’s so ugly. thats why i like books. they take me to a new reality where I can be the perfect person in my eyes. skinny, slim waist, blonde hair, blue eyes, straight teeth, white teeth, etc. in reality, i have dark brown hair, hazel eyes, curvy, braces. i h it.
