Note: Never put your dessert within 6 feet of any body of water, including an ocean, bay, or any other container of water, including an ocean, bay, or even a puddle. Thank you for taking your very precious, delicate, and numbered time to read this stupidly explanatory message that might totally waist your time, like any distraction except ones that have reasons behind them. Without further ado, Cake By The Ocean.
UPDATE: Feb. 11, 2017: Fixed outro.