I'm venting because I feel like my boyfriend just doesn't really love me anymore. He always says that he loves me, but ... he calls me names when I want attention, I just want attention to cope with my mental issues, he always hangs out with other friends when I'm around and doesn't acknowledge I'm even there, he acts like he does acknowledge it, and I want to leave him but at the same time I don't. I don't wanna leave him and hurt his feelings or leave him and miss him. I hate to feel this way on Valentine's Day but I don't really feel loved anymore. i also have athazagoraphobia, and that makes it worse. My friends don't acknowledge me anymore, my lovers don't, nobody does and I just wanna be loved either romantically or platoncally and I just want to hang out with people I may just be delusional but how can I be so delulu when I genuinely deeply feel they're ignoring me? I'm not diagnosed with it but I might have HPD and I'm not self diagnosing, my friend just said I might have it and I have been showing signs but in no way am I saying I have HPD. I'd have to get diagnosed first, but my aunt doesn't want to put money aside so I can get diagnosed with things I may not know I had. Just like I might have bipolar disorder, but I don't know cuz I wasn't diagnosed. And I don't plan on self-diagnosing so don't accuse me of self diagnosing. All I was diagnosed with was mild depression. ALSO. Max's Vent Form (also known as Max's Inner State of Mind) WAS INSPIRED OFF OF TWISTEDS ON DANDYS WORLD BUT IS ACTUALLY a metaphor for "losing color" my definition of "losing color" is like when you feel a void in your mental capacity and your whole body and you have lost all happiness. OF COURSE I DON'T THINK I LOST ALL HAPPINESS ITS JUST A METAPHOR and don't call Max's Inner State of Mind a twisted please. It isn't even the design for my self-insert DW OC Max's twisted form. also that black demon fox creature thing represents my bf, based off the fursona thing I made to represent him but a shadow evil version of it.
