A/N: JCJenson.com is not a real website irl. it's fictional in CDAU for plot reasons. Date: 2/19.3016 Location: Cabin Fever Labs' basement CEO of JCJenson: Tessa James Elliott Blog post on the JCJenson website: Its been 16 years since the 3000 Gala Massacre. Earth has been destroyed. My name is Tessa James Elliot and I am now the new CEO of this company(HOW IN THE WORLD THIS COMPANY'S WEBSITE IS STILL UP!) My family - I know they are gone. Cyn - or the Solver - went 'murder everyone' and I had to run. That thing, it killed them. I ran and ran. Oh well. I am the descendant of Mabel Pines - the founder of JCJenson. So I am a Pines(LOL, we Pines are a pain in the butt to evil horrors). My dad's great-greatfather was named Mike Pines and CEO of this company. Dad became a billionaire from ordering the mass-production of the Worker Drones in 2899 AC. From there's, corrupt CEOs of JCJenson forgot the reason why we were founded: saving Dipper Pines' mind from that thing. In 2016, Mabel Pines started JCJenson in hopes of creating the perfect bio-mechanical body and uploading her brother's lost mind into it. She got a band of like-minded people and started the company. For years, it seemed impossible. Just a tech issue, those CEOs who followed her dream had said. But for me, that's strange. It's 3016 and our technology should be able to upload his mind. OK OK. Wonder how I lived? I AM A PINE THUS A PAIN IN THE BUTT FOR THAT THING LOL LOL.(seriously, I am traumatized for that day guys.) I am with some other humans in the basement of the Cabin Fever Labs. We are using my Great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great(IDK how many greats lol)-Grunkle Ford's Bill(I mean Solver since its powers are on the same frequency as Bill's powers was lol)-proof barrier to hide our presence from the thing. Copper 9's core is supercooled and whoever thought it was a good idea of not using the Solver-proof barrier on possessed Nori during the experimenting will be FIRED(edit: the guy who thought not to use is had been oof'ed during the supercooling of the planet's core. Oh ok, we can learn from this)! So with that, we have decided to go back to the original plan: find Dipper's mind. And time for me to unlock my mystery obsession mode!(I have a obsession disorder. My family tried to stop this be chaining me up in my room b/c I was obsessed with drones) Any drone not possessed by a nightmare AI who is reading this blog, we need your help. Any possessed drone reading this, sucks to be you lol. - Tessa James Elliott ============================================= On a screen on the ruins of Earth, the words: OLSW TL! PA'Z TL, KPWWLY! NLA TL VBA! showed and disappeared. A symbol appeared, mixed in with the Solver's symbol and a drawing of a blue pine tree. Just like the words, they disappeared.
art/AU be me
