a long awaited apology.

Instructions

[ EDIT: august 25 ] I read through this and want to cringe, I know, I made it about myself again. You didn't need to know about all the other stuff, you needed an apology, a genuine one. I need to think, one day I will deliver just that, no backstory even if it might have happened to try and prove myself innocent, just an apology. What I said was disgusting and I live with that shame to this day. I'm 14, autistic, depressed, and have /really/ bad anxiety, ptsd and adhd/add. I tend to think, however people treat me is right... right? Even if they treat me badly, that's normal, just what people do, right? It's not. I lived basically in the middle of nowhere for half of my life, on a farm, far away from society, and the people who lived near me were not even my own age, or were only guys, I didn't have a proper female friend (like a friend who's the same gender as me) until I was 11, I had no idea on how to socialize, and only met very few girls my age before. Then my life changed, my mum made me switch schools, I was stuck in a grade full of girls, and I had no idea what I was doing, and even worse, this was in a bigger town, a city even, and I barely went out. I felt like I was just chucked under the bus, I had zero idea what to do and I was freaking out. Until I met her, one of my first friends at my new school. But I didn't realize until it was too late that this was a bad person. you may be wondering- how is this related? this literally has nothing to do with the things you did, and you're just wasting my time. Just wait, this all has a point, I promise, and I'll get to that part eventually. Soon enough I was in grade 7, another new school, a boarding one too, I was stuck far away from my family, and in a big city (or big compared to what i've been to) and I had no one. No, but she was there, my friend, (we'll use the name Takis just for reference), Takis was there, and conveniently she was in the same room as me for the first term. Everything would be fine. Everything was not fine. Takis decided I was useful, then at least, I would make friends, and she would practically take them. When she had her own little army, she ditched me, and created something... off, at the time I didn't even know what a furry was or any of that, but apparently, now I was a furry. Alone, I didn't know what to do, and it felt like people were always watching me, waiting for me to make a mistake. I would get harassed, barked at, and relentlessly bullied to the point I had to hide away in the library where people couldn't hurt me (physically and emotionally), and while searching on the internet, I found a Warrior Cats game on Scratch, and I quite liked it. I also saw that there was a social part on Scratch where you could talk to and interact with other people who shared my interests. So I decided to make an account, and there I was. Part of it was because of the games, another was because there was artists I was inspired by, but mainly, I wanted to join so I could make some friends. Or try to. The bullying only got worse, people claimed that on a full moon I would go to the oval and howl at it, some others said that I would bite them in my sleep, did I do any of that? No, I had to google what a furry was to even know what they were talking about, and this? From what I saw furries weren't like this, but more like decent people who cared about what others felt, or at least more than the people who surrounded me, While Takis had her fun with her new friends, I was alone for eight whole months (or about that time), crying myself to sleep half of those nights. I /tried/ to socialize, but people couldn't even sit next to me without side-eying me and sneering something about how I'd bite them if I did. When I went home, I felt disconnected with me family, and started talking to them less, and instead spending more time with my dog, Molly. Overtime, things started to get better, I made a friend in Term four, only for her to bully me in grade 8 once I got diagnosed with Autism, and then she started to spread yet another rumor about me- that I was gay. I was straight at the time, but now I'm not. And people at my school were... very hateful. I then made a few genuine friends around term 3, and this is when the story gets relevant, around the time of my Generations ban. I thought everything was fine, I was so happy to have friends I completely ignored their flaws, some of them were racist, some of them made homophobic jokes, and treated others like dirt. And sometimes they left me out, no, a lot. And it hurt, so I spent more time on Scratch. Remember the part where I said I tend to act the way others behave, even if it wasn't right? They were brushing their bad habits on me. And I did, yet this is not an excuse of my behavior. I started behaving a bit more icky, and even hateful. Tinydance.. at the time I made her, Molly had passed away, and I started spending more time with my cat cont.