Vent- TmT really long one-

Instructions

<<!!!!TW: oofing self, self owch MENTIONED!!!>> Have you ever thought that somehow bad luck or a curse was put onto you? Because the worst possible thing that could happen happened? Well I do... my life used to suk.. but it suked less then now... I used to live in a 3 bedroom house as a kid and I was happy, I was a really happy kid.. I was pretty shy tho.. but then my dad got into a marriage with a childhood friend of his.. She was okay at first but she was actually mental.. shed yell and scream.. and even hurt my dad and me... there was a day I cursed at her and she pinned me to my bed and choked me... not letting go till I said sorry.. I cursed again at her once she got out and she did it again.. I couldn't breathe.. .another time. she st4bb3d my dad in the leg... causing him to slap me on the face for not opening the door fast enough.. a while after before I went to my band camp they divorced,, he left her.. they were together for 3-4 years... that was around the time I first started self owching. My dad hasn't been in a relationship since... and doesn't plan on it either.. Awhile after when I was 13 my dad lost my childhood home... we were evicted.. luckily there was this old lady we'd help.. so we moved with her.. my life was finally brightening up.. I even got my first actual gf!! (one that wasn't online) me and her got together the day after valentines day, after my best friend broke off with her- I know its messed up- but we were talking about it before the break up- I got with her and was happy. I'd go over to her house a few times and hang out with her and her brother. but then I started talking to another person- Knox.. (they don't go by that name anymore tho).. I was poly.. they had a crush on me, I didn't have a very big crush on them tho.. I talked to shadow about it and she let it happen.. they got along well.. really well.. they flirted and talked a lot- more than I did with either of them.. I also had feelings for this one girl.. Really big ones.. she probably knows who she is -v- I kinda forgot to talk it over with the others.. about my feelings... and ended up making them mad.. even she kinda showed anger towards me... the others kept saying 'shes a bit to young knox ain't comfy with it he's turning 14' I know... but it's a 3 year age gap-... I've d4t3d 17 year old when I was 12- no one said crap- but apparently 3 years was to much- it was more 2 years honestly- cause she turned 12 a day before or after Knox turned 14...we argued about it.. Knox and shadow.. they didn't even trust me.. they felt the need to use and alt account to see if I'd cheat... I still don't know if shadow was involved in this event... but it still happened... abit after the girl I really really liked left.. saying they'd never d4t3 again.. gaining more like a fear of it.. I cried like I never did before that night.. I cried so hard.. for hours upon hours.. I recovered after a few weeks but Knox ended it with me and shadow.. and got another l0v3r almost immediately after.. which kinda hurt both of us... that was close to the time where I met the partner Im with now.. A.. I met her at my best friends birthday party the past November.. and I found her pretty.. me and her barely knew each other then.. but we grew closer.. I started liking her.. I know I'm an a22h0/3... shadow let us all be together.. or well more like me d4t3 them both at the same time.. and that worked out for awhile! but we had this sleepover.. and well honestly it was crappy.. we all had a sleepover at shadow's.. and well.. I kept ending up in tears.. they both wanted more attention than I could give at once I wanted to off myself.. I was so convinced I was going to.. after that I slowly started ignoring Shadow.. which I really regret.. cause well.. I miss her.. alot-.. it sucks- cause It was my fault.. and I take full responsibility for it.. cause I'm very sorry... after that shadow was completely prohibited from talking to me.. she still is.. but we talk sometimes- rarely- when I have time to message her at least... everything was still a crap show.. I saw my gf.. but I had stuff going on at home.. the lady's son was rude and he kicked my cat outside to live.. she went in the garage but he didn't let her back in one day and I never saw her again.. I kept looking for her.. hoping she'd come back.. praying she'd come back..I planned on taking her to live with me when I got older she was my first ever cat's grand daughter... I wish I was able to.. now shes in a comic here on scratch.. living her best life... me and my dad and sister soon moved with his friend after that lady wanted us out.. and we stayed there a few weeks before his boyfriend kicked us out due to jealousy.. I stayed at my gf's house for 2 months.. I felt what it meant to be happy.. I was happy.. but I got attachment issues.. and no amount of the times we weren't able to see each other could of prepared me for this.. nothing could have.. on the 1st of March ((cont in n&c))