✧⊹. ❝rain❞ - a songbirdpaw srp .⊹✧

Instructions

❝you aren't alone, me and caninekit are always here with you.❞ - ❝it's not your fault.❞ - ❝they're ... dead. in the dark forest. never made it to flurryclan.❞ ... ❝i think the rain's really nice. i mean, it gets all hot during green-leaf, and the rain is fun to play in!❞ - Songbirdpaw feels the grass yield beneath his paws, his own steps so unsure despite having walked the same path many times. There's the soft patter of rain on the ground, soaking the dirt and leaving glimmering droplets on each blade of grass. The scent of petrichor fills his lungs, it's usual comfort smothered by the weight of grief. He thinks by now he should've learned to grapple with the concept of death, having been surrounded by it since the day he was born. The starvation, and the murder. He misses Caninekit, he misses Abyssalkit, he misses Birdkit– and now, he misses his mother. ...Why does it keep— Songbirdpaw had been hunting a lot, lately, but he doesn't need to nearly as much anymore. Its relieving, in some small way, that he doesn't feel the insistent pressure of making sure no one starves, that kits don't die, he /couldn't/ let them die- not like so many others had. Dazzlingstar is dead. He realized as much when the announcement had been '/Jolly/star has given all of FlurryClan's prey to UrchinClan.' He should've picked a better deputy, but Songbirdpaw can't complain, it's a weight lifted off of his own shoulders, after all. He wonders if Dazzlingstar would be upset- everything he's worked to keep in order jeopardized, the cats in their clan going without food. He hadn't known the leader for long– or really known them at all, but Songbirdpaw thinks he had good in his heart. None of their expressions seemed ingenuine, there was none of that air of practiced indifference that leaders tend to carry with them. ..... It's raining harder. The water begins to soak his fur, and if Songbirdpaw wasn't clinging to his denial like a lifeline, he'd weep alongside the sky. His mama is dead. He had been told this–knows this is true, an irrefutable fact, but his mind refuses to process it entirely, so he's left numb. And angry- isn't that the next stage of grief? There are far more than 5, whoever had come up with that number was a liar. He should be in UrchinClan, now, with his friends, with his siblings. But when he'd stepped into the camp, he'd felt watched. Like everyone somehow /knew/, like he could already see the pity begin to seep into their eyes. He couldn't look towards the apprentice den, could barely even breathe at that moment. So he ran. Like a coward. How would he tell them? Tell each of his siblings that mama is dead. He can realize why Dazzlingstar had spoken the words so chokedly, because the mere thought of doing the same makes him feel sick. The trees aren't rolling by anymore. He's stopped moving. Songbirdpaw finds himself staring beyond the FlurryClan border. He hopes Tidepaw is okay. He needs to get away. The grey apprentice keeps walking, past the FlurryClan border, past the MossClan border, walks until his surroundings are unfamiliar enough to throw him off. It feels like escaping. The thought embraces him, and he welcomes it in return.