Please be warned that this does in fact cover some dark topics. So I’m back. And I feel like I owe you guys some explanation beyond “my keyboard broke and I was unable to draw for a week and it broke me”… So maaayyybeee when the keyboard broke and I was unable to draw my mental health took a lil turn for a bad. I genuinely felt like it was driving me insane and it felt wrong to be unable to just work on any projects when I have so much to do. And maybe I also went through a bit of a mild depressive episode where on at least one day my sadness was noticeable by my lil sibling and I gave up all hope And this is where things take a turn for the darker. Don’t continue reading if your sensitive to topics such as self hvrm… So based on the warning above you can already guess a bit of what happened. This isn’t actually the first incident, since that was closer to the beginning of the year when I first somehow got trusted with a bl@de. The same general time period where I almost committed the act self deletion but didn’t because I didn’t have a way to tell you all at the time But I stopped for a bit, I swear! Although that was because I forgot where I put the bl@de at. And guess what, my silly lil brain relocated the blade sometime before the week of being unable to actually do some work and now my thighs are covered in lil scratch marks… Before you even suggest getting therapy that isn’t an option. Trust me, I tried. And I’m unwilling to tell my parents because I get the feeling that they even doubt the fact that I probably have depression. So all this sums up to “in situations where Random is unable to do one of the few things that give them a break from reality their mental health declines at a rapid rate” I mean, these are the same people who don’t even respect my gender identity Although that may just be on me being absolutely horrible at actually communicating my needs due to the crushing fear of it going wrong in some horrible way So listen, if the mask slips up and I don’t seem as cheerful or just happy to exist, or just need a break, please don’t hold it against me. Scratch is one of the few things I refuse to give up on. Plus I owe you guys for making me reconsider self deletion Which actually places you all at a higher level of importance than my family and that’s just sad
If you didn’t want to read the above due to the warnings, all you really need to know is that I’m back. Probably in need of serious therapy, but back. Also I feel to lazy to draw a actual thumbnail for this as I spent most of my day either stuck in a car or walking And listen, I’m far from a religious person but I respect people who have theirs. Please don’t shove it on me or say “blah blah blah is a sin” or any response involving religion to the stuff in the instructions or I will delete that comment Religion is not for me and I have no God If I must have a religion then I WILL WORSHIP FRICKIN STARCLAN
