Green flag please there darling Song : Evelyn - Goldmund (one of my favorites) _______________________________________ Please don't remix this project, as it would be VERY disrespectful to me. In the notes and credits I talk a lot about my depression and some deep emotions. My story isn't meant to offend anyone and if it does, I'm sorry. It's not meant to be a too happy story in the beginning but it gets better. I'm simply explaining how it started for me, and where I got the idea to lift people up
I just want to thank all of you who have been following me for the positive thinking project it means so much to me and of course all my followers before hand, and I really want to spread this message, because I think it really needs to be heard. I want to thank you all individually and when you favorite, love, one of my projects, or when you follow me. I try to thank all of you when I get that notice. I started this project because I myself have been stuck in a very hard place. It was probably two years ago, I began going down hill so quickly. And I lost my light. School was hard, I had come out of homeschool, and I didn't feel smart enough to be in highschool, I fell behind so much because I couldn't focus, the subjects were boring, and I had no interest. The teachers didn't help, as they sent me to the under class ACS everyday at school, it made me feel aweful that I also had to quit spanish, and went into a study skills class instead. I had also stayed behind a grade, to help my parents with college tuition, because I wanted to give them a gap in years between her and me heading off. I constantly knocked myself down for not being smart enough to stay in my classes, for getting low grades. Because I didn't do my english work, and was home for so many sick days, I started getting detentions. I began to hurt so much, that my heart felt like it was breaking, I can't express the pain I felt inside of me, because I hated myself, and I wanted nothing to do with myself, I never wanted to look in a mirror, because I would constantly pick on myself, and I felt so unloved. I never spoke about my pain to anyone, I'd always compare myself to others. their brains and beauty. I remember the pain of feeling ignored by others, because no one would ask me if anything was wrong, I felt so alone, My first highschool year was really really rough, The next year, I went boarding school, leaving behind my friends, for new friends. Slowly but surely, even though I was at a religious school, I lost my faith in God. Things were alright though, they got better, until I couldn't keep up. I finally began talking with my friend from back home, and though he didn't ever really say much, it was nice to talk with him. Eventually I opened up to my mom, and I was pulled out of that school. I was sitting in my algebra class, and start trembling, I couldn't stop, tears streaked my face and I needed to get out, I remember the teacher asking me if I was okay, and though normally I would of said I was fine, I said no, and I ran out of the classroom. I was having a panic attac I ran away to my friends house that night and I hid there for a day. I went back home the next day, and skipped school, that day. (i've decided to skip a detail) I went to school the next day, the principle calling me in making wild accusations and accusing me, I was so broken I couldn't defend myself, All I could say was, "I signed the paper, I signed it." Because they thought I hadn't gone to my detention. I spoke to my mom about this all, and I told her everything, she pulled me out of school, and that was the end of it. I still needed my education so now I am studying for my GED. I started opening up to a few of my friends about some of my issues, and you know what? Things got so much better. Now I didn't have the weight of the world on my shoulders. I have such a big problem with not thinking I'm smart enough, but I'm working on that, and lifting myself up. I also struggle with my physical appearance, and I'm working out for the body I want to have, I've always loved running, but I have really bad knees and ankles, but I'm running again now, working out actually releases endorphins which make you happy, so if I ever feel stressed I go work out! Anyway, a few months ago, I started to feel really good, and I felt like others might need a little uplifting too. I made my "I am" Project a while ago, just as an artsy uplifting thing I kept to myself. But I though, "You know what? Others go through the same thing as I did, and they also need a boost." So many people go through depression, anxiety, self-hatred, and eating disorders, displaced, alone, and confused. Sometimes we all need a little pick me up sometimes, and we need to be reminded of our self worth. The community of Scratch has done so much to help me, and uplift me, and to just in general pick me up from the dirt. I have found some great people on here as my friends, and I'm so proud to know them, they mean a great deal to me, and I can't ever really repay them for all their support and kindness. But I want to contribute to Scratch and help others the way the have helped me, and this is how I'm going to repay them. I want this message to be spread around as many places that it can be spread because I want it to be heard, and not ignored. This is my story, and how I was inspired to be who I am today, I will answer any questions you might have, and thank you so much for reading my story. <<3
