Feelings of Pain and Devastation - Vibrantcrash SRP

Instructions

No. No, this can't be. She's gone... She can't be gone! Vibrantcrash's head flew back as he let out a yowl of anguish. Dovemist, his beloved mate and best friend, who had been by his side since they were kits, was dead. Who would comfort him now? Whose shoulder would he cry into now? Whose embrace would now calm him from his grief? Gone. Gone. She was gone. He let out another yowl, followed by an intense wince of pain. His wounds screamed at him, yet no physical pain could ever compare to the pain of Dovemist's loss. How would he tell the kits? They would be heartbroken. Vibrantcrash was heartbroken, and he wasn't sure if he would ever recover. He looked down. He looked at his paws. He wasn't just a widower. He was a killer. Two cats had fallen at his paws. Two cats had been killed, just like Dove, and it was his fault. Did they have mates? Did they have kits? And now they would be feeling the same grief he was. Why couldn't it have been him? Why did Dove have to be the one to die? He was a killer, and his mate was dead. He was sure the cats he had killed had families. They were grieving, and it was his fault. He should be dead. He deserved to be dead. He would never forget their pained shrieks... The look in their eyes as they looked up at him... Their eyes, full of fear... Full of pain... And then... Their eyes faded. They were dead, and their blood was on his paws. He was a killer. He was a killer. He was a killer. Why had he survived? And why had Dove died? He dragged himself out of the medic den and looked at the stars, gazing towards the brightest in the sky. "I'm sorry-" his voice cracked hard "I couldn't protect you- I promised I would protect you, but I-" His voice shook, "I couldn't protect you- I broke my promise- And now you're gone-" He took a deep, shaky breath "I should be the one dead- Not you... I'm sorry, Love, I-" he choked back his sobs, "I'm a killer, and yet I couldn't even protect the cat most precious to me-" He could tell he wouldn't be able to hold his sobs back for long. "I don't deserve your love, Dovemist- I'm sorry-" He then broke down, tears flooding down his face. He cried for what seemed like hours. Eventually, he managed to drag himself back to his nest in the medic den, where he softly sobbed himself to sleep.