down, down, down - a gemkit srp

Instructions

Gemkit was drowning. Down, down, down. Her paws shook and her head throbbed. She couldn't breathe. She collapsed onto the ground of the nursery, her eyes stinging. But the tears didn't come. They couldn't. Her eyes swelled and her nose ran, but she didn't cry. Not yet. Not yet, not yet, not yet. Oceanstar. Oceanstar. Oceanstar. Mother. She was... dead. She left her. For a pond. The pond that ruined everything. Peahenprice was leader now. Peahenprice was her greatest enemy. She felt like throwing up, or throwing something hard, or throwing a tantrum or... quite frankly anything that involved the word 'throwing.' But she didn't. She just stared blankly ahead of her, everything she'd ever known crashing down, down, down. When she closed her eyes, the tears finally flooded out. Everything was ruined. Peahenprice... Peahen/star/ was leader and was so, so cruel to Meadowvex and Miragethrob... no, she wouldn't call them that. She couldn't. She couldn't feel anything or say anything. Her body was completely numb. She took one final, heaving breath before letting the almost unbearable tug of sleep pull her away. She gratefully let go of her grip on this painful and shattered reality. Her world was broken. And it couldn't be fixed. Her dreams - no, her nightmares - took her to a wide, open space. Everything was black, but she could see the figure approaching her perfectly fine. Oceanstar. Oceanstar. Oceanstar. Mother. She was... dead. She left her for a pond. The thought had ran through her mind about a thousand times since she had heard the news, but she still refused to accept it. But here Mother was, looking regal as ever. Her jaw didn't drop. Her shoulders didn't slouch. She didn't even blink. She just slowly wrapped her body around one of Mother's paws, knowing this wasn't going to last. A ray of reality broke through the peace, and she realized she was dreaming. Mother wasn't here. Mother was dead. She was just making this all up to make the grief easier for her to manage. Oh, no. All this did was the opposite of that. She screamed and thrashed, and the black liquified into an ocean. The roar of the waves pounded in her ears, and this time she really was drowning. Down, down, down. Sinking into that hole of endless grief, losing herself second by second. Tick, tick, tick, tick. Her clock had been turned upside down, inside out, and so had her heart. Meadowrise. /Not/ Meadowvex. Rise, like how the sun rose each day, symbolizing a dawn after the darkness. It didn't seem like there would be one after that day. She scarred her. She hurt her. For what? No reason. /No/ reason. They had simply told her the bitter truth about Oceanstar. And there she was, drowning in an ocean of grief for her. But she was her mother. She'd taught her everything about this awful, broken world. Told her maybe she could fix it. At that moment, she felt hopeless. She couldn't fix anything. She was drowning. Down, down, down. Her lungs burned from the lack of oxygen, but she didn't fight the relentless current. Didn't try to swim up to the surface. She'd fail, anyway. Anyway, pain felt good. It felt right. She didn't want comfort at that moment. All Gemkit wanted was some sort of peace. Some sort of sign that she wasn't misplacing her trust. Scratch that, she /knew/ she was misplacing her trust. She didn't know who to trust anymore. There was nobody she could come to if she needed help, or a hug, or just a quick pep talk. No, she didn't want people to compliment her. She was a mess. A grief-shattered, out-of-control mess. She was supposed to be mature. She was, at most times. But she wasn't now, and she didn't think she ever would. She sank deeper into the sea of hungry darkness. But a small light flickered somewhere to the left. She pushed against the waves, knowing it was useless. She'd fail at whatever she did. But the light seemed to come to her, dancing and twirling and spinning. It gave her a brief sense of hope, but that was snuffed out as quickly as it had appeared in her head. There was no hope, no peace. Only losing battles and losing wars and losing everyone she loved. But the light stayed, and it grew into Oceanstar. Oceanstar. Oceanstar. Mother. "Gemkit, you can fix this," her mother murmured. "What do you mean?" Gemkit practically shouted. "Please tell me!" But then she disappeared, leaving Gemkit sinking into the icy black. Sinking down, down, down. She didn't try to get up. She couldn't. But reality wrapped its icy claws around her anyway, bringing her up to the surface. Freezing air hit her as she woke up. She didn't have a clue how long it'd been. Maybe minutes. Maybe hours. Maybe days. It didn't matter anyway. Mother would never be there for her again. Never there to pick her back up after she fell, never there to encourage her to keep going.