applicant intro - hi! i'm red, and i've been looking to get back into roleplaying for some time. i plan to be active if i get accepted, likely 7-8/10 for activity level. conch is the first gens character im applying for, i love her design and i plan to include a character with npd in a future comic of mine so i thought shed be good practice for writing! gender and sexuality - By the time she's an adult, conch will identify as girlflux and use she/he/xe pronouns. She will also be bisexual. personality - personality traits: (+) outgoing, hardworking, courageous (=) extroverted, competitive, ambitious (-) arrogant, insecure, impatient personality description: Conchkit is a very outgoing cat, and she enjoys spending time around others. She's constantly working to better herself, although she can be excessively hard on herself. She loves to show off and often flaunts her achievements to an annoying degree, but this is all to hide how insecure she is. She has trouble seeing the true value of her skill, and has a tendency of both overestimating and underestimating herself at different times. In reality, she's not quite sure who she even is, but she tries her best to keep that hidden. She'd hate for anyone to see her as anything less than the perfect image she's set up. plans - I want to be able to explore Conch's NPD, and I really hope to represent it well, especially considering the stigma surrounding it. Seriously I barely can trust a single source on google because most of it is literally just ableism and "narc abuse" nonsense. I really want to get across that it doesn't make you inherently evil because there is WAY too much of that. It's always going to be a part of her, and she's gonna do some things she doesn't mean, but she'll try to make up for it in the end and acknowledge which of her behaviors are harmful. Beyond that (because obviously i don't want her mental illness to be her entire personality), I want her to be able to navigate her identity! She's a genuinely good, hardworking cat, and I want her to eventually be able to realize that. I want her to be truly proud of herself at some point :) research - Conchkit will develop narcissistic personality disorder, a disorder characterized by an exaggerated feeling of self importance, although people with NPD usually also have a weak sense of self. NPD is experienced differently by each person who has it, but Conch's symptoms are explained in depth below. Grandiose sense of self: Conch has an exaggerated view on her own competency. However, the way she views herself fluctuates. Sometimes she sees herself as inherently superior to everyone, while other times she sees herself as inferior. She often places high and sometimes even unreasonable standards for herself to measure up to her self-image. Seeking out admiration: Conch needs consistent admiration to regulate her self-esteem (known as supply). She usually gets supply through compliments, especially ones that recognize her skill and achievements, but she can also get supply from internal validation, such as for reaching a personal goal. She often does things with the intent of getting supply out of it. Without supply, she may feel extremely demotivated and resentful towards herself. Comparison to others: Conch frequently compares herself to others, and this can result in envy towards others or resentment towards herself if she perceives them as better or more likeable than her. Sensitivity to criticism: Conch takes criticism from others very harshly. It can easily make her angry, and while her anger is sometimes towards the source of criticism, most of it is directed at herself for not doing well enough. She'll sometimes isolate herself to avoid further criticism. Low empathy: Conch can't easily connect with how others are feeling. Because of this, she'll often miss social cues or be unaware of how others are affected by her actions. However, she'll still learn to recognize when she has wronged someone and take accountability for her actions. codeword - call me basic but my favorite crane wives song is the moon will sing. other - one of her favorite hobbies is collecting flowers and making bouquets :]
