cw : dissociative amnesia Who are you really, Naoki? The aimless wanderer, the one who found no place for themselves in the world of that distant farm and now desires to have no duty in a place where it is necessary? The one who was rotten, only gaining their new name because they looked like the decomposing, too-far-gone counterpart of a banana? The one with a likeness to a fly, a being born to break down the departed’s husks? None of those? You want to be none of those. You want to be the sympathetic, caring, gentle presence, warm and shiny at everyone’s side. But you aren’t. You’re an idly-standing thing on the floor, watching lives come and go- lives decorated with things that made them entirely worthy of staying, and yet they were whisked away like the scent of a long-eaten piece of freshkill. And you did nothing about it, submerging yourself in the false. You stood there, expression still, face shaded, as you were told that the paws huddled beside you in the foliage that fateful day, once called ‘sister’, had gone limp. Carried away in a flurry of feathers. Yet you just stood there, blinking back the film that muddied your vision, registering a single ‘Oh’ in your mind before you let it go blank, cradling your imagination and encouraging it to sprawl and grow until the moment had passed. You missed so much of your precious little life because it wasn’t exactly what you wanted. Is that how it is? Maybe not, but that’s how you think it is. You want it back. But you know you would despise it. So you just frolic and pretend everything is right and joke. Make a mockery out of the maze you’re trapped in. Are you going to escape or what? Oh, right. You think you can’t. So, in the meantime, say farewell to childhood, Naoki. Say farewell to the fleeting fragments slipping away from in between your paws. And keep on opposing the truth of being here in WindClan, decorating the rotten with the fresh, and breathing in the smell of lilac, mud and wind. You’ll have to face it one day. But for now, Naoki, Once again, bid childhood farewell.
research 4 dissociative amnesia Due to the repeated mistreatment from their first family combined with all the sudden changes, Ana has always felt an odd detachment from reality, mostly just their mind trying to escape their situation. Button dying really only made things worse, his distress at not knowing her well making them aware of their detachment from reality and stressing them out, causing a further need for escape which lead to more frequent bouts of their disassociation, which caused them to stray away from his current family and when/if Biscuitpaw disappears he’ll probably blame himself for not keeping an eye out for him. They choose now to mostly spend time on their own in situations they can control, like pitting bugs in made-up competitions or picking flowers and building things. He doesn’t like confrontation or being reprimanded for not doing his work, and tends to disassociate when these situations occur, along with being in or around fighting of any kind or when things go wrong. They only really contribute when they’re bored. He doesn’t particularly have fugues, just detachment in situations that stress them out and they tend to not remember those times due to it. If this isn’t too in-depth I’m sorry, this is pretty much what I found while I was drafting their new personality so I probably got a little lazy sighh https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/dissociative-disorders/symptoms-causes/syc-20355215?utm_source=Google&utm_medium=abstract&utm_content=Dissociation&utm_campaign=Knowledge-panel
