press the flag, I guess. It's three of my most favorite songs
So I might be leaving, I might be able to comment here but my sister threaten me about shutting the computer down until school in September, but even then I might not feel well enough to actually do anything. A few nights ago, I cried because of my bad history of basically 'losing' a family who won't talk very much or notice what's happening to me and all the bullying and such. I'm always thinking 'what did I do wrong?' 'what did I do for them to hate me so much?' I can't even fake a smile anymore, and for me, crying is a sign of weakness which is why I'm starting to hate myself and even shouting at me. I've been crying every night now I'm just so angry and sad. I even thought of cutting and wondered if it would actually help my problem, I almost did it with a razor, I didn't even noticed I almost cut myself. I know that people care about me, my friends and my first love but I'm suffering a lot. My sister said I was broken when I was young because my oldest brother always bullied me non-stop and I was so sad, I believed that for a long time, including all those words that my bullies say to me at my school. I hate my sister, she's in control of everything that includes me. I can't even speak to my friends and bf on social media because she took that away a.k.a my mom's phone since I don't have one myself. Even when there's good things happening like yesterday when I visit my best cousins birthday parties, the darkness always appears. I can't even expect to have a good time when all that's on my mind is the bad. I've basically been avoiding Dark Mist and my other friends, maybe I need alone time but I don't know. None of my family knows I've going through depression, so they have no idea what they're doing to me. Having no one to talk to is horrible, I don't like the feeling of being alone like this, family doesn't count. I know I probably have to say about the depression but I just can't. Two more days until my 14th birthday, it will probably be horrible anyways. Even with Dark Mist and the others there along with me.
