[some poems]

Instructions

from a collection i titled Conscienceless a typewriter [title] useless in modern times the typewriter sits on a shelf waiting to be useful its cool if you have but never useful to anyone or anything i am a typewriter the moon [title] the moon radiates light bright big beams that shimmer in the dark echoing desires wanting to be seen the moon only shines at night when everyone is asleep but in the morning, it falls away from the skies. the sun emerges and brings out the brightest beams everyone loves the sun no one loves the moon like its lost [title] the gleam of love the gleam of hope the gleam of a new beginning the sparkle of joy the sparkle of loyalty the sparkle of best friends i dont feel this anymore its like its lost between acres upon acres of hate it started with a fry which now makes me cry What happened to me? [title] if i had a portal, i would go back in time to a magical time called 5th grade. nothing was bad and nothing was wrong, nothing had ever changed at all life was grand, and friends were plentiful nothing was bad and nothing was wrong nothing had ever changed at all when i think about the old times i feel blank and sad letting the rain out of my eyes fall onto my less than perfect body putting my hair up into tangles so that no one will see its messy nature and hiding my face under pounds of makeup in hopes they wont make fun of me in hopes that i can breathe i want to turn the clock back to the times where i only needed thirty minutes to get out the door and when i didnt need to worry about showing my shoulder or thighs without distracting someone. where i looked forward to school and i didnt overthink about every small detail where i didnt imagine the worse when i said something wrong or when someone said “please stop” i would go back to before friendship issues and before the dreaded “leaders of the school” i would go back to when i still had a solid best friend or when i still had solid mental health I would play with Barbie’s, even if it seemed childish because i miss the childish movements and when Barbie’s were fun, not a reminder of what i didn't have mental health is a lie [title] climbing. that's what mental health is climbing upward, up and up on a trail of positivity. if everyone climbs up, why is it i feel like i am f a l l l n g on a downward path if mental health is a mountain with no top where one only goes up i think mine is broken, because my mountain is short and i’ve been falling for some time just down d o w n live, love, laugh, cry [title] i am many things loyalty is my thing i stay close to those that vibe with me especially at school liking people comes easy to me over time it has grown on me very different from how i used to be even though i’ve always been loving lacking is another and i dont mean in physicality underestimating others giving them trust hurts me the most cant you see that im right? you cant can you? grades shadows glimmering off of the paper a solid 100 shadows glimmering off of the paper a solid 95 shadows glimmering off of the paper a solid 84 shadows glimmering off of the paper a solid (?) 80 shadows glimmering off of the paper a failure (42) grades falling like death shadows fluttering down never meeting the expectations set for me. grades shadows glimmering off of the paper a solid 100 shadows glimmering off of the paper a solid 95 shadows glimmering off of the paper a solid 84 shadows glimmering off of the paper a solid (?) 80 shadows glimmering off of the paper a failure (42) grades falling like death shadows fluttering down never meeting the expectations set for me. hello, my name is hello, my name is a lone leaf swirling in the wind a singular koi fish in a shimmering pond a beautiful mountain all by itself a dancing butterfly on its way home a smiling face in a world of dark a pretty alien not from here a star without a solar system a fallen apple from a tree a trinket tossed to the side a cardboard box which used to be full a plushy forgotten on a shelf a lovely flower that blooms at night hello, my name is the night itself the lone book on your shelf the forgotten missing earring the rusted metal ring the unused bag the thin useless towel hello, my name is forgotten alone shallow hello, my name is sad depressed hello, my name is goodbye