What's a Secret? || Short Story

Instructions

"Olivia, are you doing homework?" I knew it was Mom, not from her tone of voice but from the special way she knocked on my bedroom door. It was like a woodpecker: fast and fierce. "Yeah," I called over my shoulder. Mom opened the door slightly and approached my desk in the corner of the room. I glanced up and noticed she was wearing her pair of jellyfish earrings. My grandma had given them to her a long time ago, before the falling out. Mom still wore them, but only when she thought people wouldn't pay attention, because the falling out was a secret she didn't like to talk about. Well, no. It was a secret we were all forbidden from talking about. "Are you going somewhere?" I asked, gradually realizing that Mom was also wearing a blouse and dress pants instead of sweats or a bathrobe. "Carla's retirement party, remember? I told you to get dressed ten minutes ago." I looked back longingly at the blank paper on my desk. "But I have to finish this assignment. It's due tomorrow." Mom put her hands on her hips and shifted her weight to one leg, a casual kind of dominance you only see in a parent ordering around their kid. But it's not really ordering around, because kids and parents have a secret agreement where they respect each other. Somewhere deep down, at least. "You have twenty minutes before we have to be in the car. Got it?" I nodded, my lips pressed tight together. Mom nodded back and left the room, her jellyfish earrings spinning in circles since they were so heavy. I turned back to my paper and picked up my mechanical pencil, fidgeting with it in hand. What was the assignment? What had been I doing? Oh, right. "Describe what you think a secret is." That's why I was thinking so much about secrets. Mr. Williams had assigned us the task yesterday. Before we started working in class, he asked a few people to share their ideas, just to get our creative juices flowing. Most people said that a secret is something you shouldn't share or that a secret is private. Mr. Williams didn't disagree with anyone, but he had this cocky smile like he was expecting people to say that. Cocky smiles from teachers almost always mean the same thing: you're wrong, and I knew you were going to be wrong, but I'm not going to say anything because I'm curious if you can solve this yourself. Well, I wanted to solve this myself, and luckily, secrets are something I'm very familiar with. So I began writing: "If you ask anyone, nine times out of ten, they'll tell you a secret is private. It's something that's not meant to be shared. Whether it be a promise, a piece of news, information, a reminder, gossip--secrets are meant to be kept, well, secret. But I think this is more of a persona that we've applied to secrets. We, because we're human and like to gossip, have turned secrets into something that shouldn't be shared, usually for the sake of the person you're talking bad about. But not all secrets are talking bad about someone. Some secrets are about yourself, and you don't want to share them because they're embrassasing, or vulnerable. Or maybe you just don't want to think about them at all, so why talk about them? "Here's the thing: it's only a secret once it's been shared. If I have a secret and I never tell anyone, then there's nothing to be kept secret. But the moment I tell one person, well, that person and I suddenly share a secret that we shouldn't tell because I don't want them to or they don't want me to or we know the person the secret is about shouldn't know or whatever. The point is, there are two different things at play here: private thoughts, which are unshared secrets, and secrets, which are private thoughts we've shared. And if a secret really, really, truly is something that SHOULDN'T BE SHARED, then why does it exist? Why was it ever shared to begin with? "I think private thoughts are things that shouldn't be shared. They are things so private, so vulnerable that they should never ever be said aloud, maybe because no other human being could ever understand. "And then there are secrets. Secrets are private thoughts that are a little less private, or vulnerable, or personal, or all of the above. Secrets are private thoughts we feel comfortable sharing in a limited way. But as soon as that secret gets out to more people, well now we've crossed the boundary. So it's a fine line. "But the point is, all and all, secrets are not private. Secrets aren't something that shouldn't be shared. A secret is a thought you can't handle keeping to yourself. A secret is a thought you need others to know. A secret is an agreement--the riskiest one out there. "Private thoughts are safe. "Secrets can be safe. But they're usually not." I let my mechanical pencil drop out of my hand, since it was cramping so badly. My gaze slowly drifted to the alarm clock sitting on my desk. It read 5:27pm in pastel blocky numbers. I had three more minutes before I needed to be in the car. (con.)