don't read because this is just here for me to vent "nonchalant" or just dismissive of everything "negative" or "depressed" or "angry" "psychotic" or just upright crazily happy "normal" or just what parents expect me "babysitter" or just feeling like people are all leaning on me "teacher's pet" or just because i don't want life to be worse "extremely tired" or "unresponsive" since i'm worn out "extreme hatred" or i decide to bottle up emotions i don't even think this is puberty anymore idk. what even is this. i've started regaining the ability to cry i've learned to take naps but they make me even more tired i can't stand work, extracurriculars, almost everything i'm tired of expectations. why do i need to be what people want me to heck i keep getting sick even more often my "friends" have become so NEEDY like what. i don't need to do what they want me to if i care enough they don't give anything back they seem fake most the time and i've had enough of these friends who treat me like a used tissue what the. heck. and i'll act like i'm on a sugar high maybe or whatever the "trends" are because the mirroring has gotten to m head do i even have opinions? am i just an automation? why am i always either so objective or irrational? what even is this. it's the truth of this world, everything moves on. humans are not born naturally greedy, but their creations corrupt. look at this. look at yourself. isn't everything corrupt? you could be completely purehearted, but that's another form of unkindness, since you are completely oblivious to what happens you could be completely corrupt, but what did they do to make you that way? isn't life a wonderful paradox? </3 maybe yes, or no. it's dizzying. but what even is the "truth"? all a human concept. people put on a mask of identity every day. so what's so wrong about me? but what am i really? if you read all this, i'm surprised. this philisophical yap is terrifying to our illusion of society. people always seem so fake. whether or not they care. you can't really tell any longer what really is this? i feel cold in the warmest places. and what is "home"? where you "belong"? a person? a place? an item? or just a concept. i feel dry. in speech and in feeling. nobody is gonna read this. i'm sure of it. the only projects that win are the ones chasing clout. or trends.
