I figured that I hadn't given Emma a proper goodbye. This kid meant so much to me. I can't think of her without just spiraling. And Honestly guys, It's so hard to keep a smile on my face. I've looked to the kitchen for a long time if you know what I mean. (if you know, you know) I may not do it, but it's hard to not think about it. Most days, I can't find peace with myself for not being there with her. Her last words to me were, "You'll be here when I go, right?" and I so selflessly told her, "I'll always be here for you." But I wasn't. Not that time. I wasn't there when she needed me. I can't help but think that if I was there that she might not have gone. I don't know what else to say except I can't keep going on knowing she's gone. How does the pain go away? Will it ever? I think I need to get help. I sit in the dark because I can't see anything. It keeps my mind blank.
