(yo disclaimer I'm safe i just venting) I dont even care bout cringe culture anymore we should just make whatever we want,especially if it's to help process feelings,be "Edgy." be simple,be complicated,be anything. Making something at all is better then nothing,and that counts for anything. (Ah yes,I think my therapist talk came back for a moment) (My vent) I'm really tired. My head is exhausting. Ive lost track of how many times I say I'm "tired." but I dont say it outloud people I know do work,have long shifts,go out and do things- but I'm tired from my head. its so loud,and tiring to take care of it,anxiety and my thoughts are exhausting,and then I have to self regulate. I do that alot- regulate. Ive regulated myself for years,it should be better. not worse. thats not fair. Ive told others all these things like "some days will be down,other's up-,healing is like a rollarcoaster-" "its okay to have bad days or not feel okay." and then here I am "I *should* be better by now." I tell myself. (edit:I did leave this part out) (this part feels very personal,I dont know if I will keep this part up.) or learn anything adult? If Ive been taking care of myself for so long..why am I not better? I dont want to be too much. I feel guilty wanting constant reassurance but it feels too nice,even small bits of it (I edited part of this too) (Another part I am unsure to keep) Other times the worlds too loud,too much,too bad. Overstimulating. I wanna feel cozy and safe. (Overthinking section) Do I not do enough? do i stay in a bubble too much by saying I want to feel more cozy and safe? do i think too much about my anxiety? i got told i overthink my overthinking and stress myself out that parts true do I think too much about my anxiety too? am I dumb? I'm trying to take care of myself I dont wanna make people mad. Here I am comforting others when I want to be told "It's okay." and here's a sad part usually I can talk like a old therapist I cant so easily find the words right now. I wanna say things to make everyone feel okay too. It comes back in flickers,but it's harder to turn on now. I want to give people hope and safety. In a way,my anxiety has made me be able to help others that way alot. Cause I'm hurt too. I feel hurt when someone says they feel the same as me instead of better. I dont wish that feeling on anyone. I'm tired. I want to tuck myself in and make myself cozy and feel safe. goodnight. I hope if your reading this that you have a good day,or good night. preferably both. (I got rid of a few small details here for my comfort,this is your reminder that you can do something like that too,you matter and so does your comfort at any given moment.) I'm really tired.
Credits: Song/sound effects: Fallen down,Undertale. (Game) Rain sounds. Its comforting to me., (Inspired by a playlist from "nobody." On yt, "your at a safe place away from your problem's." I feel safe with it playing.) Image: I Googled aesthetic rain images and found it on a Pinterst link.
