transitioning | ch. 48

Instructions

( putting the text here for now because my computer refuses to work properly </3 ) tristan pov I can’t focus during any of my classes leading up to lunch– which, I usually have issues with staying focused, but it’s even worse now because my brain will only focus on the fact that I have to go talk to Jace at recess. Like actually this time. And explain everything that happened. Everything. Except what if I explain everything and then he still hates me and never wants to talk to me again and then– I’m right in the middle of that thought when the bell rings, practically screaming in my face that the start of recess is /now/ I actually have to go talk to him /now/. Oh god. I can’t actually bring myself to get up from my seat because I’m genuinely anxious and I feel like I might start crying again. So I just sit there as everyone packs up and leaves until Kaden peeks his head into the classroom, definitely looking for me. “There you are,” he says, sounding relieved. “What’s wrong?” I blink hard and breathe in deeply, hoping to prevent any tears. Kaden stands in front of me, lightly drumming his fingers on my desk as he meets my eyes. I genuinely forgot that I had a crush on him, but of course all that is coming back to me now that he’s here, and now I have more than just one reason to start sobbing on the floor immediately, because of course having a crush on him means that I’m gay, and being gay means that my parents have yet another reason to hate me, and I’d rather the whole world just collapse right here and now than having to deal with any of– “Tristan?” Kaden asks softly, gently squeezing my hand. I Am Going To Explode ♥️ “I’m fine,” I say simply, slamming my textbook shut and zipping up my pencil case and standing up and pushing in my chair. All of which I may have possibly done perhaps a little too forcefully to come across as “fine”, but let’s ignore that… Kaden doesn’t argue further, thankfully, just quietly following me while I put my things away in my locker and then finally head outside. Not ‘finally’ as in, “Hooray! I finally get a little break from classes to hang out with my friends!” More like “I am dreading going outside because there’s Someone out there that I kind of promised multiple people I’d talk to but I’m actually terrified for my life and I think I’m going to burst into tears right now but I can’t keep putting this off any longer or someone is going to start interrogating me and things will get even worse.” I spot Jace from across the field outside by the picnic tables and immediately freeze up– and then Kaden bumps into me. “You good?” he asks. “I know you said you were fine just a minute ago, but you kind of look like you’re going to fall over right now-” “I ran into Jace earlier,” I blurt out. “And I told him I’d talk to him during recess but now it’s recess and I’m scared and I think I’m probably going to start crying any minute now but I don’t want to cry and I really just want my friend back but I really don’t think he wants to be my friend and-” “Hey, what did I tell you yesterday?” Kaden asks, interrupting my spiraling. (Woah. how did I manage to say that many words out loud at once.) “I said I’d be right there to cheer you on, didn’t I? It’s going to be fine, Tristan. I promise.” He slips his hand into mine as he says it, squeezing gently. “Let’s go, hm?” I nod, suddenly feeling much better. Why do his words always seem to have this magical spell casted on my brain..?