why.

Instructions

think you're getting a normal project? no. is this something i usually do? no. did i want any of this to happen? ofc not. was i even prepared for this? hell no. what am i even supposed to do now? i can't do anything for a period of time anymore... i can't ask for support, i can't ask for help, i gotta handle all of these emotions myself, i- i can't even be online here. hell, maybe i can, but only to "check" up on things. it's like dragging somebody away from the only type of communication with the real world. i know it's a situation i have, a issue that will most likely worsen overtime, but. i swear to god when somebody speaks seriously in a tone you're afraid of, and you're a close friend of them.. i feel like all you can do is just sit there, accept, and then cry yourself to sleep. i wanted to stay, i wanted to have support. hell- emotional support, but to force myself to be in a position where i'm not used to doing (which is taking a break from media itself right now.) is just... i'm not saying they're wrong. hell- i'm certain that it's the only reasonable thing to do when you're dealing with a situation that bad, which i'm not going to specify here. ..but a break?... hell, i'm pretty sure they tried to do so once, yet they couldn't do it right. how do they expect me to do this legitimately? now i'm gonna be stuck here. either talking to myself trying to figure out what to do now and trying to keep my composure, or just let it all out. which apparently i can't do no matter what. everything i wanted to do, now having lost of motivation n'... [___], i- i guess you can forget about all of that for the time being, i don't wanna do anything right now. none of this is probably going to matter to some of you, hell this might even go unnoticed to some. i just i never felt this upset before in a while and seeing somebody else cry because they don't want to see you go is just i'm not trying to guilt-trip anybody, i really don't want to nor do i want to do so i just feel like i don't matter that much and from everything else i experienced during my life either through here or from external websites and applications this has to be the worst combo so far if you want to hear me talk, then go ahead, press the flag button, i don't really care. i might sound normal, but i'm struggling deep inside. if you don't want to, then don't. it doesn't matter anyway i'm gonna lose anybody at any given time and it will hurt during that moment and if the person influences other people to do the same; albeit other friends it will hurt even more badly. i just wish i wasn't alive. but you prob don't care, you just wanna see what i usually do- either acting goofy or whatever type of shenanigans i get into or whatever. and/or projects for "C.O.P.E" but until i feel better about all of this, i won't be participating in anything. ..so, until then. don't make me do this ever again.