a cloud passed across the moon, plunging the whole world into brief darkness. early morning. ruepaw awoke to an uneasiness she couldn’t seem to shake. her mouth tasted of sleep— sleep had the flavor of stagnation and rot. unsurprisingly, her first thought was /i must be dying./ it wasn’t the concept of dying that scared her. no, it was comfortable, safe. relief, an ending. this felt more like claws digging into her. deeper, deeper, ripping pawfuls of fur and leaving trails of crimson. she wasn’t dying. just– suffocating. something was wrong. something had always been wrong. there was this weight in ruepaw’s chest, and it felt like everyone and no one could see it. something broken, maybe? something horrid and impure? a thorn or a black hole, and it had made its home within her. everyone knew, didn’t they? everyone knew she was broken and out of place. they all hated her. no matter how much she gave, no one would ever /really/ love her, would they? she had been unlovable since she was a kit. she had been vile, and she deserved what had happened. it was all so blurry now, but it was her fault. it was her fault she was discarded. every day since was dedicated to being worth something. but yet, the black hole lingered in her heart. it whispered “you do not belong. come back to the stars. come back home, child.” and ruepaw knew she was incomplete. the world was collapsing in upon itself now now. the sky was spinning and it would swallow her. she bit back a scream. in its place came a choked sob. “please. i’m sorry. please.” she needed to get out of here. she felt stuck, chained to this place, chained to this horrible state of mind. so she fled.
okay so uh ruepaw's disappeared for the time being she'll be found in shadowclan territory shortly, i've still gotta figure out the details she'll be using the name "celine" for now and uh none of her family or friends will really know what happened to her for awhile she'll probably stay in shadowclan for a bit, then go off into loner/kittypet territory so if anyone's interested in rping that could be fun
