kill me no literally please i’ve been getting SO MUCH better lately or so i thought but depression and certain types of thoughts have a way of getting to u sometimes tf u mean u don’t understand i just spelled it out for you but ig nothing i say makes sense enough i could use my autism as an excuse but the world doesn’t need another reminder of how i’m “special” and NO i don’t want to hear it you’re not funny ur just making me insecure of smth i used to be proud of the school year is almost over meaning my motivation is running out i fking hate spanish tutoring man and i wouldnt do it if it weren’t for my pe friends bullying me for being “so white” and conveniently ignoring my freaking culture just let me be myself without calling me “white asl” and “just so american” like ok buddy i get it you’re a minority do u want a cookie? and i don’t wanna go to spanish tutoring anymore but i just started so i can’t stop and i love my tutor but why does she have this way of making me feel so fkn stupid for everything .. like no i can’t spell anything in spanish and i never have because I STOPPED SPEAKING IT WHEN I WAS 5 my wrists are lucky the sharpest thing in my bedroom is a pack of press on nails i love my friends sm but why do ygs all have friends who are closer to you? i just want to have someone who thinks of me like i think of them i almost would if it werent for how amazing c is i probably wouldn’t be alive without her ngl if ur reading this ilysm like you absolutely don’t know how important you’ve been to me in the almost 2 years we’ve known each other raise y_our glass - yunjin, human - han that gives you an idea i missed spanish tutoring on tuesday so my dad guilt tripped me into letting him reschedule until friday and then there was a storm in columbia but guess what? weekends are for ME. not just that but it’s the last weekend of 6th grade. i want to actually have fun but i think that’s a lost cause now 11 is way too young for this but kids have feelings too, newsflash. i wish i could go back to when i liked good weather instead of hating it and wishing i could go back inside i wish i could be heard by *cough* certain people *cough* without being made to look like SUCH. A. BRAT. thanks dad. AND to think that my dad’s still the good parent i freaking hate my mom i wanna go back to yesterday where my biggest concern was who would win the staff vs student sports games and not.. this my dad just left the house. I should do my lines now. but i don’t want to. please don’t make me. i don’t want to stay in half the groups i stayed in so that’s fun !! i need to write but i can’t find the words to make it sound pretty enough to sing i wanna go back to an hour ago when i was busy searching for the best online sample idk where i would be without music and c you can hate skz all you want but they’ve brought me sm comfort this past year i’ve been stanning them i really really hate this i freaking hate that anxiety song can we stop romanticizing the literal reason i’m writing this? and of course it’s “not my parents fault” for my social anxiety when they literally drilled it into my head since i was 8 that i have bad social skills idk where i would be without this website. without all of ygs cs ilyasm this has been my safe place literally since i was in 3rd grade. ty ms hudson for giving me this website during free time. you were the most average teacher but my life would be so different without you speaking of teachers, i freaking hate my math teacher “hmm julia only 2 problems done i see” to the ENTIRE CLASS yippee public humiliation and why do people like him? i wanna go back to 5 minutes ago when i was talking to yume about my science teacher’s soda flavor it’s 10 am. people don’t have breakdowns in the morning. that’s not how it works. but i guess i’m just special all over again. yay me. dear a and c, i identify as latina weather you like it or not so please stop ignoring my culture dear k, i don’t care about your spanish lessons and i don’t like them dear c, ilysm dear dad, actually listen for once dear mr p, be a good teacher i wanna go back to when i first started writing this and i wasn’t crying
